Listen to Precious

wookie domination

2010-09-01T23:06:00.000-07:00

Can You Name One Thing Senator McCain Has Done For Arizona?

2010-03-05T21:09:00.000-08:00

Time for the Maverick to be put out to pasture.
Vote JD Hayworth for Senate

Massachusetts Miracle:Vote For Scott Brown on Jan 19th 2010

2010-01-17T09:15:00.000-08:00

Ask your self one question before you vote in Massachusets on Tuesday..."Is it Ted Kennedey's seat or the PEOPLE'S SEAT ?

The Shout Heard Round The World:

2009-09-09T20:01:00.001-07:00

After a long hiatus and a several long bouts of political depression... I was finally compelled to once again call forth my army of flying monkeys and take up the gauntlet that our "benevolent dictator" Barrack Hussein Obama threw down tonight. El Presidenté Obama laid out his plan for the future of Health Insurance in the United States. I won't boor you with the details... however at one point Barry droned on about how certain Political opponents, radio and cable talk show host were lying about "Death Panels" & " Health Care for Illegal Immigrants"....well here see for yourself...

That's right you heard it folks ..."You Lie!"... I am titling that as the shout heard 'round the world. That was Congressman Joe Wilson from District 2 South Carolina. Finally some one said it , and not only said it but shouted it, Joe Wilson will go down with the likes of John Hancock, Paul Revere & John Paul Jones... Please contact Congressman Wilson and let him know you support him...
"The spirit of resistance to government is so valuable on certain occasions, that I wish it always to be kept alive."~ Thomas Jefferson

Independence Day

2009-07-04T12:31:00.000-07:00

Independence Day, July 4th 1776 began a long road to freedom from tyranny and oppression, by a government that sought not to uplift it's people but by one that only sought power and wealth. On this 4th of July remember that people all around the world still long for a 10th of the freedom we have, they long for the freedom of assembly, which means being able to meet and exchange ideas freely without thought of imprisonment. The right to bear arms, which means the right to protect yourself not only against lawbreakers but against tyrannical governments. The right to free speech, which means the right to say what you will though some one may feel it is improper or "hateful". Please remember those who wish for and who fought for our freedom.

This Battle Station Is Fully Operational:

2009-05-30T15:50:00.001-07:00

Take 192 little laser beams and focus them on a single point and instantly you have the power of a Sun. Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory unveiled its NIF (National Ignition Facility) laser this week. Could it be that our Rebel forces have under estimated the power of the dark side. Well sure we did! Our espionage budget is the less than the allowance of a 5th grader, $3.95 a week if your wondering. Unfortunately most of the that is spent on 44 oz Dr Pepper at the Quik Trip.

Read More:
A US weapons lab on Friday pulled back the curtain on a super laser with the power to burn as hot as a star.

The National Ignition Facility's main purpose is to serve as a tool for gauging the reliability and safety of the US nuclear weapons arsenal but scientists say it could deliver breakthroughs in safe fusion power.

"We have invented the world's largest laser system," actor-turned-governor Arnold Schwarzenegger said during a dedication ceremony attended by thousands including state and national officials.

"We can create the stars right here on earth. And I can see already my friends in Hollywood being very upset that their stuff that they show on the big screen is obsolete. We have the real stuff right here."

NIF is touted as the world's highest-energy laser system. It is located inside the Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory about an hour's drive from San Francisco.

Equipment connected to a house-sized sphere can focus 192 laser beams on a small point, generating temperatures and pressures that exist at cores of stars or giant planets. ...

via BREITBART.com

Get Over It:

2009-05-17T19:57:00.000-07:00

"The Barrack" told graduates at Notre Dame tonight at graduation in regards to abortion:

"When we open up our hearts and our minds to those who may not think precisely like we do or believe precisely what we believe -- that's when we discover at least the possibility of common ground," Obama said

Let's get one thing strait common ground to a Liberal is doing what ever they want and keeping your mouth shut about it. In all due respect Mr Presidnete' stay off our Common Ground. Let's face facts you think it is perfectly legal to "KILL" a child simply because he/she has not drawn a breath. You would rather have your daughters "KILL" their unborn child that have it and raise it. You said so yourself here. The head's of Notre Dame just gave up all their moral ethics tonight by granting this man a honorary degree. It's time for them to step down and the Church to discipline them. Despite the fact I am not a member of the Catholic Faith I recognize the right of any religion to dictate it's own doctrine and beliefs. What has happened at Notre Dame tonight would be tantamount to feeding a pet slug salt for dinner. Conservatives it is time to stand up and stand firm on our ground. The ground that was solid enough to build a country based on morality, honor, freedom and truth. Yes we have made errors, yet those errors have been corrected. In the future we will probably make more mistake we are human after all....it's time to correct mistake that are being made now speak out with your vote in 2010.

I'm Keeping My Eye On That One:

2009-05-14T20:22:00.000-07:00

If your the father of a daughter or daughters you will understand what I am about to share. If not you will probably roll your eyes and tell me I'm over reacting. Being a Father has it's rights of passage just as being a boy did, just as those wild college years, or any other time in anyone's life. From the birth of your first daughter until she is able to send her first email or send a text message is a pretty peaceful time filled with things such as Disney Princesses and art supplies in the least expected places.
After the leap from little girl to young women your in trouble as a father. Suddenly you notice that your little girl now thinks a certain boy may be funny instead of gross or yucky. Next you may experience what I like to call "time to go look at tools while the girls go shopping at Targe't" phase. After that you can probably expect one day for the phone to ring or answer the door bell and hear the un-mistaken cracking voice of a young man "Hello Mr.Smeag is your daughter home?". At this moment in time (which has not happened yet but I am preparing for mentally) you will probably think of a few diversionary answers such as:
Always safe~~~"...Why no Johnny Smeagette is at her Grandma Smeags house..."
Daring~~~" I'm sorry Bobby she is out bungee jumping ...would you like to go I'll rig your harness...:)"
Science Fiction~~~" Billy you just missed her she just got beamed up to the Enterprise she's out of reach."
Menacing~~~" Danny she's at the store with her mother and I was just cleaning my guns ...would you like to help?"
Diversionary~~~" I'm sorry Mikey she's on the phone with that rich kid Bobby"

Any of these and many other useful responses to "The First Boy" contact may hold off additional contact for maybe one or two grades depending on which one you use and whether it's in person or over the phone. If they persist you can always hire the kid at school who has repeated 6th grade so many times he's now old enough to vote to take care of things. Live Long And Prosper.

Sure Thing Boss...

2009-04-25T22:40:00.000-07:00

Have you ever not been sure if your being mocked or being shown respect? Recently I had the delightful opportunity to have dinner with my wife and her family at California Pizza Kitchen. I'm a Ravioli guy. Not a big fan of the creative pizza choices such as the Vegetarian w/ Japanese Eggplant (Mozzarella cheese, baby broccoli, grilled Japanese eggplant, roasted corn, sliced red onions, mushrooms, sun-dried tomatoes and our tomato sauce. Also available with mild goat cheese. Recommended on honey-wheat dough).

but I digress....it's some good kooking... our server came over to take our orders and I asked him to start on the other side, not because I'm picky but I like to try new things. I always peruse a menu carefully before making up my mind, I was pretty settled on the "Four Cheese Ravioli" (Good pick BTW), but I was not quite ready to commit to it. So after asking the waiter to take mine last his response was "Sure thing boss." Let us pause here and consider this title he had bestowed on me for the evening. If he had said "Sure thing Hoss." I know he would have been referring to the fact that I am large in stature, Kind of like Nephi , but more like the Apple guy in the Fruit of the Loom adds. Lots of territory.

However he didn't he also could have said " Sure thing Klaus" Referring maybe to my German/ Dutch Heritage (Yes I am white), yet again he didn't he said " Sure thing Boss". He put me in charge. Not any one else just me. What a burden. Here I am trying to have nice relaxing evening from World Domination and this kid had put me back in charge. Needless to say I was the only one labeled as "The Boss" at the table. All night anything I asked for it was "Sure thing Boss" in response. It was finally noticed by the family that I had been labeled and laughter ensued. Now that it was out in the open I had noticed several of the youngsters at work calling me "Boss" , and a polite middle aged lady at work had told me that I reminded her of her Father because I had a "...an authoritative voice."

Some how strangers and acquaintances have put the burden of being the "Boss" on me and I hope I can live up to the Olympian task set before me as "The Boss" . Now since I'm the "Boss" and you are not here's a list of work I want done before I get up from the nap I will be taking under my desk.

Wash my car

Pick up my cleaning

Pick up my dog and get him a manicure or pedicure ....whatever

Take my 3rd cousin twice removed (by police) and show him how to clean the public facilities at any Circle K ....cause DANG they stink.

Weed my yard and then for a grand finale'

I would like a Peanut Butter and Strawberry Jelly sandwich with the crust cut off a bag of Lay's Potato Chips and a Ice Cold glass of Milk.

Run For The Border

2009-04-22T09:12:00.001-07:00

Many of you who read this Blog ...Yes we know who you are... don't exactly live with in a days drive from a 3rd world country. Unless some of you count Canada. The southern border states such as Arizona, Texas, New Mexico and California have suffered the brunt of the influx of "Illegal" Immigrants. So many of you say why is that a problem? How would like to live in the a state where your ranked number 4 for auto theft. How about a state that had a 40% increase in abduction for profit...aka Kidnapping. How about wonder whether while sleep at night if someone is going to come crashing through your door. How about wondering if you will be at the Bank when one of over 200 banks are going to be robbed. How would you like to ...until recently wonder if your daughter was going to be assaulted while you went off to work. If this is the kind of oasis you want to live in be my guest move to Arizona and advocate open borders.

I've never been one to blindly follow John McCain simply because he was a war veteran and Arizona's Senior Senator. In recent history he has restricted free speech with his campaign finance bill, sought to restrict gun owner ship, advocated open borders (or ignoring current immigration law). About the only reason 45% of Americans that voted in the Presidential Election voted for him because of his choice in a strong conservative Vice President. Truth be told Senator McCain has largely ignored the people of Arizona in their wishes.

Yesterday Chris Simcox (founder of the Minute Man Project) announced he is running for the Senate seat McCain currently holds on to. While Chris probably wouldn't have been my first choice I have o applaud him for standing up and volunteering to run for office. It will interesting to watch the upcoming debates and what both McCain & Simcox will offer Arizona. Sadly I would have to argue that McCain's expiration date pasted several years ago, insert argument for term limits here.

Stay tuned for further instructions my people.

Imagine This!

2009-04-01T09:59:00.000-07:00

OK if you know me and my family we love Disneyland. It's a place of my childhood since growing up in California meant semi-annual trips or at the least an annual trip. One of my dream jobs would be to be an Imagineer. Help to design and implement new rides and attractions. On our most recent trip we had a chance to visit the Blue Sky Cellar a walk through attraction in Disney's California Adventure showing off plans for the revamping of DCA. Here's a list of some of the coming attractions:
Color of Night: A night time water,light,laser and fireworks show
Cars Land: Radiator Springs is moving to DCA
The Little Mermaid ride: I know a few little nieces that won't be able to wait for this one
New entry designs and a Red Car Trolley
Watch the YouTube below DCA is just going to keep getting better.

How To Do Disneyland The Right Way:

2009-03-30T09:48:00.000-07:00

Man my feet hurt!

May The Force Be With You:

2009-03-10T21:54:00.000-07:00

Here's a little Darth Humor for you who are with the Rebel Alliance:

Excuse Me I Ordered The Large Stimulus Plan:

2009-02-25T19:40:00.000-08:00

WARNING UNPREDICTABLE RANT TO FOLLOW:

I know I haven't posted in a while however I find my self still speechless on the current crisis in America. Sometimes I think to my selves ," Does it really matter anymore?". Unfortunately they all answer "YES!". If your like any other human bean you have a point where you just want to run to your man cave and watch TV until it gets better, however the better person has to say something. Especially when that something is about dark paths that only lead to a hungry wolf in sheep's clothing. Admit it! Inside we are all good people, at last we were born that way. We all have spirits that came from the same Heavenly Father and we commanded to love our neighbor. I do really I do love my neighbor that's why I get htis sick feeling when all 300 million of them act like idiots. I mean idiots in the kindest way really. If you were to take the time to do the math you would find roughly 11% of the American population voted for the"Barrack" and about 9.5- 10% voted for McLame. That's about 20% of Americans deciding what the other 80% will do. As W said that's Fuzzy Math.

How did we become such a complacent society? Personally I think TV played a big part. Not that TV isn't a good thing. It provides a way to communicate mass amounts of information to the public for almost no cost to them. What I mean is that people pick the easy path to follow in informing them selves. Such as getting news from John Stewart or Saturday night live and actually thinking it matters who wears what at the Oscars. I mean really every year the show Goldie Hahn and she looks more and more like the Joker from Batman. Of course I can't think what she's wearing because I cringe looking at her. (I'm just sayin...). Why do we really care about a bunch of people who spend their lives pretending to be other people. Really I like entertainment. for example I like Matt Damon , George Clooney and a few others but every time they stop being lovable characters and just be their own little selves the sound like dancing monkeys with the tin cups out for spare change. The same goes for politicians lets face it the campaign trail is one big stage. Sigh maybe I can still take over a small third world country or Island and build a wall and invite all the oil companies to base there operations out of there, I'll only need to charge them a 10th of the taxes they pay now.

Anyone know how to apply for a block grant for small green bloggers?

Speechless:

2009-02-17T21:10:00.000-08:00

Barry "The Barrack" Hussein Obama is in Arizona...I've got all the shades pulled and the lights off. If he comes by I'm going to pretend I'm not home. If you don't hear from me please send some stimulis relief...or a pony.

Super Me:

2009-02-03T22:01:00.000-08:00

OK Everyone that played "Super Hero" as a Kid raise your hand....not so fast Al Gore we all know you were too busy inventing the Internet to have a imagination that's why you've joined the Global Warming Crowd in your "declining" years. I curious as what your secret Super Hero identity is. I was actually Spider man... a husky pants wearing Spider man, BUT I WAS SPIDER MAN! I also had the coolest Kindergarten playground, we had giant boulders that was out city and one in particular that looked like a super bike.... when you looked at it just right, with your eyes all squinty. Anyways we all have hidden super heroes inside us even one that come out when you least expect it. Lately at work I have spoken with so many people that just say well the economy is bad so I can't do anything financially right now. WHAT?! We are the same individuals that we were prior to this economic poop bomb that went off because basically we have a bunch of people running the country that got D's in Economics 101. Imagine yourself in Los Angeles pre-1849, nothing but rickety buildings, open sewage in the streets and constant flooding from the Los Angeles river. People built that city into what it is today. They did not wait around for someone to "SAVE" them. The Wright Brothers didn't wait for a Government program to turn their Bicycle Shop into a Flying Machine Shop. You ,us,we, them, her,him, and all of us can do what ever we put our minds to. I told someone one time anyone could be President if they wanted it bad enough... I guess I was right, and just because we don't agree doesn't means we have to wait for Barry to tell us what we need to do to fix this mess or any mess in our lives. Don't let life get in the way of you being you and dreaming dreams that no one else sees or understands. They're your dreams and only you can see them through. Uh Oh my Spiddy sense are tingling....

Dear Senator Maverick McCain:

2009-01-29T08:31:00.000-08:00

Please write you Senators about the 2009 nine Presidential spending plan. Find your Senator here:http://www.senate.gov/ Here is my letter to Senator McCain, Senator Kyle's contact form seem to be overloaded.

Senator McCain,

Arizona is hopeful for a strong economy once again. As you know for years the Valley of the Sun has been one of the fastest growing Metropolitan areas in the country. The Presidents Stimulus package is not about growth,but about repaying those who got him elected. It is a transparent scheme to redistribute wealth. Arizonians from the founding of the territory to now have worked by the sweat of their brow to scrape a living out of the dessert and The President and the Liberals in Congress have disregarded hard work and American ingenuity for Government Welfare on a grand scale. Please stand with Arizonians and vote No on on such a large transfer of wealth Now is not the time for the Government to borrow more money and give it to those who have not earned it. It's time for Government to let Free thinking Americans turn this country around. People with innovation like the Wright Brothers, Thomas Edison & Henry Ford. None of these great men built up their businesses with taxpayer money but hard work and products that America needed. Senator McCain sometimes the Left has to cross over the isle to the right we can not throw away all our values and cross over to the left all the time.

Thanks for Your Vote...Ummm I Mean Support...:

2009-01-28T20:13:00.000-08:00

Tonight Congress (well the Liberal Democrat) passed the "I just won the political lottery and I'm going to spend money like I'm going to Disneyland with a ship full of drunken sailors" Stimulus package today. The only thing this package is stimulating is the pockets of those who got Barry elected. Here's a list of what Socialist Republic of America just cashed a check for:

$1 billion for Amtrak, the federal railroad that hasn’t turned a profit in 40 years

50 million for that great engine of job creation, the National Endowment for the Arts;

$400 million for global-warming research

$2.4 billion for carbon-capture demonstration projects.

There’s even $650 million on top of the billions already doled out to pay for digital TV conversion coupons.

$40 billion for broadband and electric grid development, airports and clean water projects that are arguably worthwhile priorities.

$20 billion for business tax cuts

The Department of Education gets a whopping $66 billion in this bill

$335 million for sexually transmitted disease education and prevention programs at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

Additional millions to groups like ACORN (aka we signed up The Dallas Cowboys to Vote in Ohio)

(see links for credit on info)

All in all about $554 BILLION will be spent on spending while only about $275 Billion in tax cuts for taxpayers and Businesses. Luckily all 177 Republicans and even 11 Democrats voted against the Spending Spree 2009 act. Regrettably 1 Republican had to leave early (it's unknown if he had a note from his Mommy to go home early or if he left for a valid reason). However you look at it the economy is going to go in the toilet unless of course you an artist, a teacher or road and bridge contractor. You could always teach STD prevention or install digital T.V. converter boxes...insert wire A in to Slot B... really. Let's face facts if you don't know much about how the economy works your going to think I'm just a right wing nut job. The thing about this "light bulb" inspired economic rape is that they think they are fooling anyone with a bit of sense. They are paying off their voters. Every bit of money being spent is going toward a Liberal Agenda driven idea. Extreme arts, Green Companies, Education, Infrastructure, Welfare recipients, etc ... Don't worry I think Joe Bidden is staying up late tonight to start printing more worthless money.

thanks to :

Hot Air

Michelle Malkin

Matt Drudge

Can Some One Please CHANGE The Baby's Diaper:

2009-01-24T18:48:00.000-08:00

Really, if it's not enough that Rahm Emanuel was thumbing his nose at the other side of the isle of maybe W himself on inauguration day. Barry "The Barrack"Hussein Obama has told Congressional Members (who "SIT" on the right) that they need to stop listening to Rush Limbaugh if the they want to get along with him and the left. OK so that wasn't the exact quote but why bother when we all know what the meaning was behind it. It seems like a new Bully has come to town and has one of those Dad's (aka Bill Clinton) who tells them always throw the first punch, and when your dad confronts his dad....well lets just say there's a good chance they will end up on COPS (all subjects are Innocent until proven guilty in a court of law...Yea RIGHT!). But I digress. If Barry thinks he is endearing the right then he is just like the Bully who picked on the kid that had secretly been taking Karate lessons from the little old oriental guy down stairs and the Crane Kicks his nose into his skull.

I could go on all night with the references to Karate Kid and various other movies with a happy ending for the nerd,wuss or "victim" and the total demise for the Bully but here's a couple clips that just fit this situation.

Here's the story on the Barry vs Rush

***UPDATE Rush's Respone to Barry

Barry vs Rush Example #1

Barry vs Rush Example #2

Their Heeeeeeeeere:

2009-01-20T20:32:00.000-08:00

The day has finally come the Liberals are now in charge of the country. Fear not we here at Listen to Precious have once again have high tech listening and video thing-a-ma-jiggers implanted in the White House before G.W. Bush left for the last time. So if anyone from the Secret Service is reading this don't worry these are passive devises for monitoring President Obama and ensure the public at large that the President is fulfilling his Constitutional Obligations (unlike the last Impeached Democrat President). we even offer a public live feed to a the first private meeting between President Obama and Vice President Biden and White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel.

Talk About A Hero:

2009-01-16T06:24:00.000-08:00

Yesterday US Air Ways Flight 1549 made a successful crash landing in in the Hudson river 3 minutes after take from LaGuardia Airport in New York City. The Hero of the moment is Captain Chesley B. Sullenberger III, a veteran US Airways pilot. I wasn't there so here are some quotes from some of the news stories about the event follow the links to read more:

"...In the minutes after takeoff, the pilot managed to maneuver past the skyscrapers of Manhattan and into the crowded Hudson River, even though the engines were disabled after apparently hitting a flock of geese. Passengers said the plane was vibrating violently and the cabin began to fill with smoke. To reach its splashdown spot, witnesses said the jet glided over the George Washington Bridge before plopping into the water...." ~The Wall Street Journal

"..Passenger Jeff Kolodjay of Norwalk, Conn., said he heard an explosion two or three minutes into the flight, looked out the left side of the Airbus 320 and saw one of the engines on fire."The captain said, `Brace for impact because we're going down,"' Kolodjay said. He said passengers put their heads in their laps and started saying prayers. He said the plane hit the water pretty hard, but he was fine....'' ~ wcbstv.com

This guy need to teach Wall Street how to be calm in troubled times!

***update** Fox News has a Great Story here

****2nd update***FoxNews Has Survelliance Footage Of Landing On Hudson

One Term Wonder:

2009-01-12T18:45:00.000-08:00

Imagine four years from now when everyone will look at each other and say "What's an Obama?" Fear not citizens the our ever watchful media watch poodle the New York Times has said publicly that Barry Hussein Obama end up being a One Term Wonder (see POLITICO story below). Barry will inevitably try to buy his new Presidency, however last time I check anyone working at Wal-Mart has nothing to do with building infrastructure, schools, roads and bridges. Barry will crank up the Treasury printing presses to pay for this and then proceed to raid your piggy banks to make up the difference. We at listen to precious have had spies in place since election time obtaining secret behind the scenes recordings of Obama cabinet meetings on how they plan to fix the economy.

NYT reporter warns of one-term Obama (from POLITICO)

By ALEXANDER BURNS
White House reporters for The New York Times predict that the market collapse will force President-elect Barack Obama to abandon for now many of his campaign promises.If his stimulus plan "doesn’t work out, he may very well be a one-term president,” said Jeff Zeleny, who covered Obama’s campaign. “It’s hard to imagine that he could be reelected if the economy’s in the exact same position four years from now.”...

Arizona Cardnials Did WHAT???

2009-01-10T21:53:00.000-08:00

NFL 2009 Playoffs

Soaring Cardinals one game away from first Super Bowl berth ESPN
Associated Press
CHARLOTTE, N.C. -- The Arizona Cardinals were considered the softest team in the playoffs, unable to win far from home and carrying the scars of years of ineptitude....

Arizona Cardinals:33

North Carolina Panthers: 13

I don't think we're in Phoenix anymore Toto...

Stop Humus Terrorist:

2009-01-04T19:14:00.000-08:00

For those who may have thought the recent conflict in the Gaza strip was an advance by my secret army of Flying Monkeys. I will have to deny all rumors in that regard. I will say that I find the idea promising and just as soon I/ we can Bio-engineer Flying Monkeys I may take the liberty of invading somewhere. I am open for suggestions. In the mean time thanks to the vigilant digital Jawas over at "The Jawa Report" I came across this video of exactly why we need border security and why anyone who thinks the Humus Terrorist are being "oppressed" by the Israeli State should have a cup of Refreshing Lemonade poured over their head and made to stand under a bee hive.

Dont Worry Be Happy:

2009-01-03T18:41:00.000-08:00

Every Year at 12 am on Jan 1st everyone screams Happy New Year! But does anyone really try to have a Happy New Year... I think I always last until it's time to clean up from the previous night frivolities. It is so easy to get upset at all the every day to day junk going on this year I have decided to just be happy no matter what happens. I know it's kind of Polyannaish, but I think the Lord wants us to be happy. All the other junk in life is just there to distract us from our true purpose in life. So do things that make you happy. For the cynics out there I'm not talking about running down the street dressed in nothing but your underoos or anything like that but I mean helping others, family,friends, church,hard work (even if you work for morons) , do your best, take your kids to the park, paint a picture (even if you have to use your fingers). Just be happy and do things that will make others happy too.

Pre-Flections:

2008-12-28T06:45:00.000-08:00

A New Year lies ahead and I feel the need to take the lessons I learned over the last year and shove them in a closet. Sometimes you learn lessons that you don't wan to to learn but need to. OK so I learned them, what next. Of all the self help smidgens I have read over the years I have learned this one lesson. Achieving goals is best done in writing. I'm not good at goals because I have a tendency to throw away the paper my goal was writen on. Not that I'm a neat freak I just have a hard time keeping track of paper. I think you should have a few "Un-Realistic"goals as well as realistic ones, that way when you utterly fail at the Un-Realistic goals any failure on the realistic goal will seem minor and won't throw you into a bought of depression lasting until a few days after Christmas 2009 when you have forgotten your 2009 failures and look forward to 2010.

2009 Goals (Un-Realistic)

Take over Sweeden and Liberate the opressed Sweedes
Run 10 miles non stop, ok just 1
Circulate a rumor about our Newly elected President and have it make the evening news
Become a hand model for Big Gaudy Men's Rings
Fly to the Antarctic and ride an Iceberg all the way to Bermuda(note to self:take a coat)
Discover a way for cars to run on salt water (thanks Lil' Smeag)...
And finally my last 2009 Un-realistic goal: Give a homeless a guy $5 bucks for lunch have him turn out to be a multi-billionaire who has been looking for good in people and wants to reward me with a fortune(undisclosed amount) and I really give it to the poor because I'm just that type of guy and then another rich guys hears about it on the News and sends me a life long pass to Disneyland for the family.

2009 Realistic Goal:

Find Waldo in the "Where's Waldo Books"
Write a Book
Stop drinking caffinated soda
Read my scriptures more
Smoke a Brisket
Shoot Archery more
Not Turn into a Vampire
Losse 20 lbs ( and never find it again)
Finally the last 2009 realistic goal:Be Happy

Santa Claus Is Coming To Town:

2008-12-24T07:08:00.000-08:00

Despite what National ,International and armature economist say about the economy Santa Claus is coming to town , and with a vengeance. I was at the store the other night and I had to marvel at how shelve were being cleaned out. Either stores did not order as much this year or people are spending like drunken sailors on a binge.I'm pretty sure that in the Great Depression GI Joe and Barbie ( if they had been around) would have been gathering dust in a corner while little kids begged Mom and Dad for food instead of toys. I hope this Christmas you all will simply forget about any financial woes and focus on your family and friend. After all no one can reposes them.

Merry Christmas from all of us at Listen to Precious

Track Santa Here

Deck the Malls:

2008-12-15T19:43:00.000-08:00

I have Demophobia- Fear of crowds. Doesn't that bite? I mean I like Christmas and shopping and all, but dang it I like it better on the Internet. I really have a hard time going out and being in masses of moooving crowds (inside). Saturday Mrs Smeag took me out to try and complete the annual Christmas shopping in one fell swoop, it almost worked. Some how I made it through but I have to say that think we will defiantly feel the true meaning of Christmas this year. We are jsut happy to be together and for all our blessings. I may have to consider adding Demophobia to my list of blessings, it sure keeps me from shopping more. The Mrs is a good sport about it all though and tells me it's all in my head and to get over it....I got over it as soon as we were back in the car so it worked! She's so great!

Here's a few phobia that certain people should not have:

Boy Scouts defiantly should not have :Dromophobia- Fear of crossing streets
House Cleaners should avoid:Amathophobia- Fear of dust
What if the Cave men had:Arsonphobia- Fear of fire
Sir Alexander Fleming (1881-1955 Discovered Penicillin ):Bacteriophobia- Fear of bacteria.
What if Miss Piggy had:Bufonophobia- Fear of toads
I would hate to think what would happen if Santa Claus had:Chionophobia- Fear of snow
Leonardo Davinci:Chirophobia- Fear of hands
Patrick Swazey:Chorophobia- Fear of dancing
Just for kicks do you know anyone that has:Dutchphobia- Fear of the Dutch?
Albert Einstein:Gnosiophobia- Fear of knowledge
Julia Child:Lachanophobia- Fear of vegetables
Forrest Gump:Ostraconophobia- Fear of shellfish.
Walt Disney:Suriphobia- Fear of mice
Edward Cullen:Hemophobia or Hemaphobia or Hematophobia- Fear of blood

Lets hope stuff like that never happens. Merry Christmas!

Hero:

2008-12-07T20:36:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was my birthday and since the inevitable question is "How old are you ?" , I will tell you now unless you know me I won't answer other than to say I'm in my late thirties. I know some of you stalkers out there say well that's not very old, but I guarantee every male in there late thirties does some soul searching because around the corner is early forties. recently I have thought allot of my Grandfather who lied about his age at 17 to join the Marines soon and during World War II was at the Battle of Midway.
He never told stories about the Battle it self or about being injured, but about the good men he knew and counted as friends. I often think about him raising his family on a horse ranch outside of Dallas in the 50's and 60's and then in Redondo Beach in the late 60's. I remember Christmas was his favorite time of year he always went out for the grand kids. He even loved tech toys. He had wonderful stereo system that we listened to for hours. Old 45's of Elvis and every other legend of rock & roll. The best thing he had was a old T.V. with a remote control. When I was about 10 Slinky's were big and I would move the Slinky back forth from hand to hand. I figured out I could turn the T.V. off with it. The remote worked on sound frequency instead of light. He also worked nights at a steel factory and would come home early in the morning to Chicken Fried Steak and fresh biscuits and he always had ajar of his favorite cookies. Mothers Brand cookies. We used to sit and sip watered down Folgers (black) coffee and eat cookies while he told us stories. he's been gone 24 or 25 years now and I still can remember him watering his tomatoes and all his plants. He has a great green thumb for a Steel Man.

Today being Pearl Harbor Day I just want to thank all the Grandpa's (Great Great Grandpas now) out there who took time to tell their grandkids stories about the War and their great friends. I don't remember any of the stories but I think there was a greater lesson to learn. It's not what a Hero does that is impotant but what he is remembered for that is.

The Phone Cops Are Coming:

2008-11-29T23:08:00.000-08:00

What would have the late 70's and early '80 been like with out WKRP in Cincinnati. BORING! Nothing but long lines at fuel pumps , bad Brady Bunch episodes and Jimmy Carter in the White house. What would a little chubby smeag look forward to after a day of wearing Corduroy pants and turtle neck way too tight. I started more fires and got more looks than Smokey Bear smoking cigars in a Bikini. My point is that WKRP was a hoot, we talked about it for week until the next episode aired. Some of the best acting ever on television was on WKRP. What brought on this case of nostalgia you ask well a TV station in Cincinnati has changed it's call letters to ...you guesses it WKRP. Fox has the story here.

For those to young to appreciate it here's the gist of it at wikipedia:

-Andy Travis ( Gary Sanders) who brought Rock n' Roll to a sleepy little AM station.
-Arthur Carlson (Gordon Jump) "the Big Guy" who gave us all reason to think our bosses wear as inept as we thought they were.
-Dr. Johnny Fever (Howard Hesseman) who brought "drugged out paranoia" into comedy.
-Les Nessman (Richard Sanders) probably responsible for cubicles.
-Jennifer Marlowe(Loni Anderson) nuff said.
-Herb Tarlek ( Frank Bonner) the reason we don't trust salesmen.
-Venus Flytrap (Tim Reid) who made us all wan't to stay up late.
-Bailey Quarters(Jan Smithers) the Mary and to to Jennifer as Ginger.
-Mrs. Carlson (Carol Bruce) the reason some men still live in their mom's basement.

The best episode that can sum up WKRP in Cincinnati is an Episode entitled "An Explosive Affair". The station has received a bomb threat and Johnny and Venus have been sent out to the transmitter in the country to keep the station on the air. Hilarity ensues.

This clip is a little long but stay with it...it's worth it.

Floats, Floating, Floated:

2008-11-26T23:06:00.000-08:00

I'm lazy by nature. I know shocking! So even when I was young I always wanted to sleep in on Thanksgiving Morning. Mainly it was due to the warm bed in a cold house and wonderful smells of the turkey my Mom got up at 3 am to put in the oven so it would be ready by the early afternoon. She always cook a fairly large bird because we loved left over turkey, cold turkey sandwiches, turkey soup, turkey pot pie and just turkey for weeks after words. However my plans to sleep in always seemed to be thwarted by Mom (if she was up we were) . The attraction for getting up was to watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. My mom always loved seeing the marching bands, and the Rockettes. My favorite was the Character Balloons and of course the Floats. I was always amazed that these magical mobile islands could maneuver down the tight streets of New York with out hitting anyone or anything. As I got older though I learned that didn't use to be th case. The original balloons used in 1928 were filled with helium and for the finale the balloons were released to float free, unfortunately due to design flaws the Balloons burst. The following year the balloons were redesigned and allowed to float free. Tags were sewn into the Balloons and prizes were awarded to those that returned them.

Here are some Injuries and Accidents with the Balloons:

In 1986, a Raggedy Ann balloon crashed into a lamppost and sent a lamp into the street. The same injuries.
In 1993, The Sonic the Hedgehog balloon crashed into a lamppost at Columbus Circle and injured an off-duty police officer.
In 1994, the Barney balloon tore its side on a lamppost, but no one was injured.
In 1995, the Dudley the Dragon balloon that was leading the parade was speared and deflated on a lamppost and showered glass on the crowd below.
In 1997, high winds pushed the Cat in the Hat balloon into a lamppost. The falling debris struck a parade-goer, fracturing her skull and leaving her in a coma for a month. Size rules were implemented the next year, eliminating larger balloons like the Cat in the Hat. The same high winds also caused the New York Police to stab and stomp down the Barney balloon over crowd concerns. They also stabbed a Pink Panther balloon for the same reason. Neither balloon actually caused any injuries.
In 2005, the M&M's chocolate candies balloon caught on a streetlight in Times Square. Two sisters were struck by falling debris, suffering minor injuries. As a result, new safety rules were introduced. Those rules came in handy for the 2006 parade, as balloons were lowered because of rain and high winds. The M&M's balloon was retired after 2006, and replaced by a float saluting Broadway theatre and musicals.
In 2006, the low-flying Spongebob balloon caught on a lamppost in Herald Square, but no injuries were reported. Spectators chanted "Free Spongebob!", cheering once a police officer and a concerned father released him. year, a Superman balloon had its hand torn off by a tree. Neither incident caused any

Today I will be sleeping in, the parade really doesn't hold much fancy for me anymore much of it is watching Hollywood stars try to sing (any song) , and they really have no business singing in the first place i.e. William Shatner, funny as all get out but voice like nails on a chalk board.

A Good Thanksgiving Story:

2008-11-22T21:23:00.000-08:00

Gristmill on the Plymouth River (still in operation)

While recapping Rush Limbaugh today I came across an article written in the LA Times that describes what the 1st Thanksgiving is was really about. I lived in Massachusetts for 3 yrs as a teenager/ semipro break dancer/ forest commando.I learned allot about the Pilgrims while in my early youth and I have a lot of esteem for them as one of my ancestors was John Howland and Elizabeth Tilly both who were on the Mayflower. John even fell over board during the crossing,luckily he was able to grab hold of a rope and climb back aboard. The Pilgrims had a harsh first year at Plymouth, their first experience in the New World was on the tip of Cape Cod which is nothing but sand dunes. John Howland and Edward Tilly (Elizabeth's 1st husband) and a few others sailed up the coast looking for a suitable place to settle.

The first winter there was spent in little more than crude huts and they scraped a meager living from the soil. In the years that followed the Pilgrims moved from communal living to a society based on hard work and self reliance.

Squanto, a Patuxet Native American who resided with the Wampanoag tribe, taught the Pilgrims how to catch eel and grow corn and served as an interpreter for them (Squanto had learned English as a slave in Europe and travels in England). The Pilgrims set apart a day to celebrate at Plymouth immediately after their first harvest, in 1621. At the time, this was not regarded as a Thanksgiving observance; harvest festivals were existing parts of English and Wampanoag tradition alike. Several colonists have personal accounts of the 1621 feast in Plymouth, Massachusetts.

Needless to say I am quite proud of my heritage and thankful for all that I have today because they and others like them help build a country based on freedom, not tyranny or welfare. May you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Plymouth Harbor & The Mayflower

Space The Final Frontier....

2008-11-18T21:27:00.000-08:00

Bill-Agains Island:

2008-11-15T22:05:00.000-08:00

Joe Bidden as the Skipper and

Barry Hussein Obama as his Little Buddy

Welcome you to

apologies to Bob Denver and Alan Hale for having to be the body doubles.

***UPDATE****Hillary Clinton to take Secretary of State position

I did a little investigative reporting. After discovering the Barry "the Hussein" Obama had chosen for his White House Chief of Staff none other than Rom Emanuel, the former Senior Advisor to the President(Bill Clinton) for Policy and Strategy , who also went on to become a Congress man for Illinois 5th district. Change is so in the wind....NOT. Just so you know who is going to be running the White House over the next four years I went through the list of Barry's Transition team it's a pretty interesting list of "FORMER POSITIONS":

Obama-Biden Transition Project
Co-Chairs:

Rom Emanuel: Obama's Chosen Chief of Staff :former Senior Advisor to the President(Bill Clinton) for Policy and Strategy
John Podesta: Former White House Chief of Staff- To Bill Clinton
Valerie Jarrett: Deputy Chief of Staff for Mayor Richard Daley (read about Daley)
Peter Rouse: Chief of Staff, Senator Barack Obama & chief of staff to former Senate Democratic Leader Tom Daschle (D-SD) for nineteen years

Advisory Board Members

Carol Browner :Administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency Appointed by Bill Clinton

William Daley: Served as Us Secretary of Commerce appointed by Bill Clinton

Christopher Edley, Jr. :He served as an advisor to President Clinton's One America Initiative also married to Maria Echaveste, former deputy chief of staff for U.S. President Bill Clinton.

Michael Froman: Treasury Deputy Assistant Secretary for Eurasia and the Middle East during the Clinton Administration January 1997 -July 1999

Julius Genachowski :served as a law clerk to U.S. Supreme Court Justice David Souter

Donald Gips: United States Vice President Al Gore's Chief Domestic Policy Advisor

Mark Gitenstein:Chief Counsel (1987–1989) and Minority Chief Counsel (1981–1987) to the United States Senate Committee on the Judiciary

Edward Kaufman: Former Chief of Staff, Senator Joseph Biden

Janet Napolitano:Napolitano was appointed by President Bill Clinton as United States attorney for the District of Arizona (nuff said I could go on here)

Federico Peña: United States Secretary of Transportation from 1993 to 1997 and United States Secretary of Energy from 1997 to 1998, during the presidency of Bill Clinton.

Susan Rice :served on the National Security Council and as Assistant Secretary of State for African Affairs during the second Bill Clinton administration , from October 1997 until January 20, 2001

Sonal Shah: Read her Wiki Page here (not good)

Yes the very same people that help Bill Clinton destroy the economy are back in the house. These people are some of those that worked for a President that took Illegal Campaign Donations from the Chinese, spent 8 years in Iraq dodging anti-aircraft missile, bombed aspirin factories in Afghanistan saying they were tracking down Osama Bin Laden, shut down oil production in the USA, Hillary Care, and much much more .....NOW THEY'RE BACK. I know it sounds like a bad late night info-mercial for elevator music. Don't worry folk we're still getting CHANGE it's just back to the way it was during the Clinton years, maybe minus White House Interns.

Hope For Change:

2008-11-12T20:16:00.000-08:00

I recently discovered Google's Business section in Google news. It has great stuff about current business and also a cool chart that you can look at the Market and see it's history. On Jan 20 2007 the Democrats took control of the Congress and the Senate. Since that time the Dow climbed to a record high of 14093.08 on October 12 2007. Just remember that according to the Constitution ( I know its not like anyone reads it but here it is) All legislative Powers herein granted shall be vested in a Congress of the United States, which shall consist of a Senate and House of Representatives. Meaning that Congress writes the laws that govern the country all the President can do when it comes to Congress is ask them to write law. The current economic crisis is under there watch. Do not let any Liberal tell you that it is George Bush's fault. They have failed to cut taxes, deal with energy and stay out of the way of Capitalism. There are some Republicans that we can thank for this too, but there's only so much room under the bus.

Check of the Economy yourself :

Just Remember that in two years this will start all over again and in two years a Donkey left in a China shop can do lots of damage!

(update)

AP poll: Public seems willing to wait on tax cuts

Apparently I wasn't invited to this poll :(

Mourning Time:

2008-11-11T21:02:00.000-08:00

I know everyone who reads this will completely understand when I say, I'm sure glad that's over! It's been one week since the election and after a major overhaul here at LTP I have settled on mourning black for my current mood with politics However I think you will soon see the bright side of it all. Barry will stay true to his socialist views and truly pull off his mask. Too bad even Homer couldn't get it right.

100 Strange Posts On The Wall:

2008-11-06T20:32:00.001-08:00

In August of 2007 I turned to the blogging world as a way to express my inner feelings and thoughts. Who would have thought I would have had sooooo MANY! This is my Historical 100th post. During the next 4 years as your beloved leader I pledge to do the following:

Create new jobs or the homeless by handing out blank cardboard and magic markers.

Not make more the $250,000 to avoid future Obama tax increases.

To ensure that every American has a least one free chance at winning the Monopoly Game at McDonald's, by not super sizing my orders.

Help spread the wealth by buying the next season of CSI:Miami as soon as it come out and watch the commercial free DVD's

Provide everyone who post a comment in the next a 24hrs a free Glazed Krispy Kreme doughnut (simply walk in and ask for one to go).

Never will I take campaign contributions from foreign nationals or nationals.

My word is my bond (well maybe not the whole cardboard sign thing) we will prevail!

listentoprecious.blogspot.com promises to always give credit where credit is due. Probably why you won't find us giving credit to out new President. Thank you all for reading,laughing, crying and generally going insane with the "CHANGING" world.

Government is not the solution to our problem. Government is the problem. ~Ronald W. Regan

Circle the Wagons and Fill the Sand Bags the Liberals are Here! ~Col.Smeag ( Beloved Leader of Smeagtopia )

It's Not Over Untill The Last Vote Is Counted

2008-11-04T20:49:00.000-08:00

Fox News is calling the race for Barry. Can't see how since Florida is not reporting in and Ohio and Pennsylvania could be under dispute. Don't give up just becasue the media wants to cave while there's still seats in the White Hous Press Room.

(updated)

Wow that was fast, MCCAIN YOU WUSS!

Vote

2008-11-04T00:00:00.000-08:00

Today is the day that will determine who will lead the country for the next 4 years. You must choose wisely. So vote McCain.

Jack In The Blog:

2008-11-02T10:03:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to show everyone the Jack-O-Lantern that we carved. We tried to make it look real "happy", but of course I think all Jack-O-Lanterns look happy. It's hard to make a gourd scary.

Trick Or Treat??????

2008-10-31T22:30:00.001-07:00

Got a couple of good comics for you on Halloween.

Happy Halloween everyone only 4 days until the media masks come off.

What An Incredible Morning:

2008-10-29T08:49:00.001-07:00

So I'm off to my new job at my old job this morning and I find that my commuter car has been absconded. I have to say I feel violated but I'm thank full that the THIEF wasn't trying to break in the house.

So here's a dramatic recreation of me in my car (mine was grey not light blue):

Here's me at my first day of work after they stole my car:

Yeah One Incredible Day.

Thomas Jefferson Is Helping Barry Win The WHite House:

2008-10-23T07:34:00.000-07:00

In the LA Times Blog section today is a post on how Barry Hussein Obama wants $10 from each of his supporters. So far to date Barry has collected $605 million and he needs another $10 from everyone. What happened to spreading the wealth around. Seems to me that the only people that Barrack is spreading the wealth around to are the Owners of TV,Radio,Newspaper, and other various advertising agencies. Last report he was paying his female workers less than there male counterparts. Fact is that after the election he can donate all he wants to Democrat party or keep it himself for any re-election bids.

John McCain on the other hand has only a paltry $84 million because he took public financing money to run for office. Unfortunately this is due to a law he wrote. DOH! In order for Barry to actually use all the money he has right now he will need to spend $12.5 million everyday until election day. I hope some one is watching after the election to see what really happens to all that money. Then again what am I talking about this is the Government we're talking about here right we can trust them?????

Laugh Out Loud !!!!

2008-10-20T19:09:00.000-07:00

Here are some fun political cartoon. Normally these are strictly LIBERAL but thanks to townhall.com we have access to some funny conservative funnies:

Vroom Vroom Vrooooooom!

2008-10-16T20:25:00.000-07:00

Here's something fun to do Find out what kind of sports car you are

I'm a Ford Mustang!

You're an American classic -- fast, strong, and bold. You're not snobby or pretentious, but you have what it takes to give anyone a run for their money.

"Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.

Have fun pelling out here!

An American Carol:

2008-10-03T22:29:00.000-07:00

Following Rush Limbaugh's lead I am also plugging "An American Carol" that premiers today.
Lot's of Right wing conservative Hollywood stars stuck their neck out to make this film to throw in the face of Liberals like Michael Moore. Here's the preview. Take a look at least maybe buy it on DVD when it comes out it is a David Zucker film, he did the Airplane Movies.

New Tina Fey on SNL

2008-09-28T17:46:00.001-07:00

Weird how Tina looks just like Sarah Palin, too bad SNL couldn't take the middle road and be funny but neutral. They would never make fun of Barry Obama.

Oh wait spoke too soon, they have Barry but they still fall short.

Watch Bill on SNL give a ringig endorsment.

New Movie Looks Great:

2008-09-27T08:36:00.000-07:00

I've been seeing this add on LDS Today for quite some time for a new movie, you don't see the title right away but the web address is RugbyMovie.com went there today looks like a great flick. Even better is their promo clips on you tube. They put Rugby up against the toughest sport, Golf, Badminton, and even High School Football. It got some great people in it too Sean Astin, Gary Cole and Neal McDonough. Check out some of the great clips over at the YouTube Site or at the Movie site. Here's a taste.

Arrrr YE Tired Oh Yer I-Phone?

2008-09-19T07:19:00.000-07:00

Since today be talk like a pirate day I found ye a bit O' treasure fer you MO-bile communications. No more pesky flag waving or semifor (texting) pick up yer self a new AYE PHONE today and modern pirate like Captain Salty Smeag. Ye may still not brush yer teeth regular, and Ye may drink a little too much rum, but at least Ye won't be left behind as the technical ship sales from port, ARRRRRRRR!

Get Yer Booty Here!

AWOL:

2008-09-18T20:44:00.000-07:00

I know I have been AWOL (Away With Out Leave) from the Blog Army but I have been on a secret mission to discover people with a rare disease. Obamanitis, many who suffer from this strange disease laugh out loud at jokes from Joe Bidden, think paying higher taxes stimulates the economy and worse of all that Barrack Hussein Obama has experience. Some early symptoms are watching CNN, MSNBC or other major media out lets (excluding FOXNEWS) and think they make sense. Driving past car dealer ships and thinking if I get a smaller car I will save gas, but the soccer team will have to run to practice. Sudden unexplained cases of Obamanitis should be treated with "liberal" doses of talk radio, FOXNEWS, and most importantly at least 3 hours a week of Rush Limbaugh. In the event that you feel cured from Obamanitis please visit www.johnmcain.com and watch Governor Sarah Palin's GOP convention speech to continue the healing process.

New Twighlight Trailer:

2008-09-14T20:53:00.000-07:00

The Trailer as you have never seen it before:

Help A Brother Out:

2008-09-11T09:52:00.001-07:00

Ever want to help a Brother out? Well Barack Obama has a Brother and a Grandmother in need. George Hussein Onyango Obama lives in a hut in Kenya on 3 cents a day. Thats $12 a year. I learned today about a terrif website dedicated to at least doubleing Onyango's income. If you want to help a Brother out check out http://www.helpobamasbrother.org/ . Today it was reported the BO's G-Ma was attacked by robbers who were trying to steal a solar panel off the roof of her hut. Let's help a Brother's African Family out.

Sarah Palin is Wonder Woman:

2008-09-05T21:44:00.000-07:00

I have found proof that Alaskan Govenor and Next Vice President of the United States is truly Wonder Woman. The whole story of the state jet being put on E-Bay for sell just didn't sit righ twith me so I did a little checking and found this image of a Wonder Woman action doll and Lo and Behold it is the spitting image of the Govenor. I bet Sarah Palin could kick Arnolds butt sinc eshe truly is a super hero and didn't just play one in movies. Do you think she lives in Alaska because it's near Super Mans "Secret Ice Palace"?

Newt Stands Up To The Drive By Media:

2008-09-03T08:13:00.000-07:00

This week at the GOP Convention Newt Gingrich was interviewed by MSNBC Reporter at large Ron Allen. Ron stuck to the Liberal talking points....BIG MISTAKE!

Lift With You Knees!!!!!

2008-08-31T22:01:00.000-07:00

OK, so two U-Hauls, one garage sale and 30 gallons of sweat later we are finally moved in. I think I pulled my Frontalis muscle at some point. My U-Haul was also attack by a vicious swarm of bee's of- course at 65 MPH they lost but all the same they messed up my wind shield and well I just wasn't the same after wards. Now on with the job hunt. Details and Begging to follow. I f anyone has any suggestions for a new career path I am all ears. If you are going to suggest Clown please don't forget I have been a Realtor for the last year and a half we've already covered tat avenue.

Me And A Little Dragon Fly:

2008-08-21T20:27:00.000-07:00

So today was the big load up the truck,throw out your back, say words your not suppose to say, moving day. I would say all pretty much went to plan. I planned on being totaly tired, beat up, exhausted, and ready to curl into the fetal position and suck my thumb by 8:00 pm and I stayed on schedule so I just want to tell the folks at U-Haul after next week I hope I never see you again.

OHH whats with the dragonfly you ask well he snuck in and is flying around keeping me company. BTW the side of the U-Haul also has a dragonfly on the side Go Figure.

One Man:

2008-08-13T23:14:00.000-07:00

One Man made his wife whole
One Man made his daughters happy.
One Man made his son in laws his own.
One Man made touched many.
One Man made creations.
One Man made his dreams come true.
One Man made others see his dreams.
One Man made others smile with him.
One Man made others look up to him.
One Man made others think.
One Man made me his friend.
One Man made baseball fun.
One Man made football funner.
One Man made the best burgers.
One Man made life easier.
One Man made a difference.
This Man misses the One man.

Baking With Brother Smeag

2008-08-06T23:35:00.000-07:00

So I want you to use your imagination for a minute and picture the Weekly Priesthood meeting and the Teachers Quorum President gets up to give his weekly report on what they did this past week in the Teachers Quorum. (Pause)

OK FYI here for you Sisters out there this is how it usually goes: Well um this week we um played basketball and um we lost, cuz um Brother Smith um forgot to tell us that um we were playing um instead of um going to the um Temple Ummmm Visitor Center,so um we um all wore church shoes um and um well you just can't jump in those um that's all.

OK Now this is how it will be on Sunday: Well um we went to Brother Smeags for a service project um we thought we going to um move or something but um we got there (uncontrolled laughter) and um he needed us to paint his house um with the stuff um that smelled real bad um (FYI it was KILZ Primer) and um well umm I think we finished, does does anyone remember? Um Um well all I know was that we were all real happy after words and um it smelled real funny(more uncontrolled laughter) um I think we're going back next week and um I think we probably won't remember anything and um be really happy.

THAT'S RIGHT I got the Teachers Quorum good and baked with fumes from KILZ Primer, do you think maybe that's why the call it KILZ. I have to say thos kids gave it there all in those tight airless rooms. Just the way to start out in a new ward. I hope the Bishop isn't a reagular reader.

I Have A Chain Saw And I Am Not Afraid To Use It:

2008-08-04T20:16:00.000-07:00

This post is dedicated to my nice elderly neighbor, who mows his law everyday BTW. About 1:30 this afternoon the nice old gentleman rang my door bell. When I saw who it was I thought wow here's my neighbor whom I have only spoken to once in the year we have been here and I really don't know his name maybe he is going to say " Hey Young fellow I see your selling your house, I have this rich grandson that needs a place....etc" but no. What he said was " Have you seen the side of your house today?" ??????HUH???????? (that's me). He escorted me to the side of the house next to his and showed me where one of our beautiful Mesquite trees had been uprooted by winds from the storm that roared into town just as I got home last night.

Normally this would probably be one of those problems I tend to ignore until it goes away. Not this time. I was planning on packing allot today and feeling like I accomplished something but instead according to the gas company rep who came out to look at the tree ( since the previous owners planted it right on top of the gas line) that it would for sure need to come down. So a couple points I need to make here.

I did not have a chain saw this morning.

I do not have a truck (just the incredicar).

NO ONE, yes NO ONE had time to help ( but that's OK).

I have a chain saw now.

I now feel like Paul Bunyan.

They tree is now fire wood.

I found some help to haul off the offending tree. (thank you Elders Quorum)

I still don't have a truck just a chain saw.

Ok so I spent the afternoon cutting down the mesquite. Well enough that any more heavy winds and rain should not knock it down. So the moral of the story is that when Thai crazy old guy from next door comes knocking on the door it's not because he's sad to see you go, nor does he have girl scout cookies that he just wanted to share because he thinks it's time to get to know you after a year. BTW the photo is not of me using the chain saw.

"Breaking Dawn" Is Coming And It Can't Be Stopped

2008-07-28T08:09:00.000-07:00

***UpDATE: phill.com article

Only four days left until the next book in Stephanie Meyer's thrilling "Twilight" series is released and we can't do anything to stop it. So We here at Listen to Precious are providing a public service announcement to all who will inevitably read "Breaking Dawn". Please adhere to the following precautions before reading:

Find a good soft comfortable reading position ( A Park Bench or Stone Outcropping could cause serious bruising).
Good Lighting is essential ( I suggest a head lamp as this will probably not wake up your spouse as you stay up late reading).
Hydration ( I suggest 2 bottles of water to every 44 oz of Dr Pepper ).
Have a roll of Duct Tape Handy( If another in your household has already read it before you and you don't want any spoilers like " I can't believe Bella bites...".
Call in sick to work ( Don't worry your boss is reading it too).
For wives with Husbands who wont be reading it buy him Monster Truck Rally tickets.
For Husbands with wives who wont be reading it... no wait that wont happen never mind.
DO NOT IGNORE CHILDREN( Leave plenty of cold cereal and Disney movies with in reach)
If you are going to be reading outside make sure to wear sunscreen (You could end up with tan line shape like the book on you face)
Bathroom breaks(For the guys) it's OK to take your book with just remember to SIT DOWN.
And Finally when you get to the end stop.

*This has been a public service announcement from listentoprecious.blogspot.com your source for realistic news,information, and sound advice.

I'm IT -Tag

2008-07-21T21:47:00.000-07:00

Sometimes being corny means more than eating corn on the cob.

My ABC's
A- Attached or single? Attached
B- Best friend? Well does Me, Myself and I count?
C- Cake or pie? Cherry Pie Ala-Mode
D- Day of choice? Sunday Afternoons
E- Essential item? Cell Phone unfortunately
F- Favorite color? Green
G- Gummy Bears or Worms? EWWW
H- Hometown? Thatcher
I- Favorite indulgence? Brownies
J- January or July? July
K- Kids? One
L- Life isn't complete without? Clean Shorts
M- Marriage date? 04/26/96
N -Number of Siblings? 1 Brother 1 Sister
O- Oranges or apples? Does Apple Cobbler Count?
P- Phobia and fears? Lutraphobia- Fear of otters
Q- Quote? “I’m OK!” Kronk –Emperors New Groove
R- Reason to smile? A Nice MLT –Mutton Lettuce Tomato, where the mutton is nice and lean~ Miracle Max “The Princes Bride”S- Season of choice? Spring
T- Tag 10 people: Your IT! I only have 10 readers
U- Unknown fact about me? I can impersonate Goofy, and Elmer Fud
V- Vegetable? Avocado
W- Worst habit? Listening to the Voices
X- Xanthophobia- Fear of the color yellow or the word yellow (Xylophone was taken)
Y- Your favorite food? Fresh Salsa and Chips
Z- Zodiac sign? Sagittarius

Olympics Communism Style:

2008-07-20T22:28:00.000-07:00

Complimentary Police Escort

The Marines Are Alway First In And Last Out.

For those liberals out there surfing the blogosphere I wanted to go over a few items that the hosts of the 2008 Summer Olympics has put on the agenda to ease your worried minds about visiting there in August. That's right China our communist friends across the pacific are gearing up to be your ~~prison guard~~ host for August.

The Chinese Government has shut down non essential factories to reduce CO2 emissions ( Don't worry the lead based paint factories are still up and running)

China will bar politically minded entertainers ( These would be entertainers who think Communism is a bad thing, Barbara Streisand still gets a red carpet)

All Migrant workers, beggars and fortune tellers have been forced to leave the city (however political dignitaries will be allowed in ... go figure)

DVD Stores have pulled all there pirated stock of movies (No chance of bringing home a copy of the Dark Knight)

1.5 Million people (Roughly the size of Phoenix) have been evicted so that Olympic buildings and parks could be built.

Extra road blocks (to catch terrorist and guys selling t-shirts with "Free Tibet" on them)

Athletes are not being allowed to leave the Olympic Village before they compete.

130,000 soldiers and "volunteers" cleared beaches of an unexpected algae bloom( Can you say too much dead fish)

Government officials have implemented a NO AFRICAN policy for bars and restaurants(Wheres AL Shaprten?)

Missile Launchers at the main entry points to the Olympic areas .(Watch out for Jet Wash)

All Banners and leaflets with with religious, political, military, human-rights or environmental themes have been BANNED

Television Media has been restricted to only scheduled approved events.

All Know "Dissidents" have been detained ( Be Careful Code Pink Girls)

And Finally all Dog Meat has been banned from the Restaurant menus.

Follow the links,if you dare, all of this reporting is coming from Western news agencies. Apparently they can't get enough of the crack down, they seem to suck up the communism with a straw like it were the last drops of a soda and all you hear is that loud slurping noise. Just remeber that if you watch the Olympics this summer it has a theme "One World One Dream" and its brought to you by the Peoples Republic of (Communist) China. Maybe it should be "One World One Red Dream". I just got goose bumps so I should better stop. If no one hears from me it's because I have been taken to a secret location by Black Ops Olympic Officials and made to eat Magic Chicken then run over with a tank, made to build a 5 story brick wall across the dessert, and then have to play with toys painted with lead based paint. Isn't communism great?

From Corrugated Films:

2008-07-15T21:25:00.000-07:00

The next time thats you have nothing to blog about try looking through youtube for something funny and sure enough you will find it. Here's a low tech Star Wars you can make too.

Just make sure to save this years Christmas wrapping tubes.

Rain Drops Are Falling On My Head?

2008-07-11T07:41:00.000-07:00

When is the last time you had a average temperature in the Arizona desert of 85 degrees? Say over the last two week. Rain is so wonderful in the dessert its not cold, its not hot it's just right. It does seem to make me need to wear a hat however. Bald guys and rain don't mix too well. Rain seems to roll right off into my eyes. Kind of like the first drop on a roller coaster. As I sit here now we are having a nice down pour 2-3 inches it seem, water was pouring off the roof looked like a miniature Niagara falls. Summer monsoon season in Arizona has been a little different this year. typically we get brief roaring, thunderous storms rolling across the dessert floor like waves pounding the rocks. This year we seem to have more tropical like weather, small rain showers mixed with a few thunder storms. Certainly enough thunder and lighting to make my dogs tail reach so far between his legs I've started wondering if he ever had one. So anyone looking for cooler nice weather let me know I certainly tell you where it is.

Beam Me Up Scotty!

2008-06-24T21:20:00.000-07:00

Before William Shatner was telling you to name your own price he heading back to earth in Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home with a reborn Spock only to find a "Probe" was acoustically attacking the earth and destroying it at the same time. In their stolen Kilngon Bird of Prey the zoomed around the sun back in time to 1986 San Francisco. Let's pause here for dramatic effect. OKay... well now that Kirk and the crew are in the city and searching for the source of the "probes" attack, which we find to be Hump Back Whales. I would have chosen Blue Whales my self but Hump Backs I guess are the chosen ones. Anyway Scotty has to devise a means to transport The Whale, Bob and Bobbette or something like that, and all their water in the Bird of Prey "Back To The Future". NO NOT A Delorean. Scotty and Bones goes to a Plexiglas company and give them formula to make sheet of Plexiglas strong enough to hold the pressure of the water. Normal Plexiglas would have been 3 feet thick but Scotty gives the manufacture the formula to make it the same strength but only 1 & 1/2 inches. Amazing HUH????

So why did I feel like flashing back to 1986? Well FOXNews has a story on a new type of glass that is as strong as metal! They compared it to Wonder Woman's flying airplane. Ah the Lynda Carter and her magic lasso and her umm.... well you get the idea. Probably why I did not relate this blog to Wonder Woman, but I digress. I guess this new metallic glass means that kids will now feel free to use the rose bush in front of Mrs Blandersmears picture window for home plate and any birds flying into it might well want to start wearing crash helmets.

The only part where Kirk and his cronies messed up was they took an enviro-mental-ist to the future.

Crude Bugs:

2008-06-16T16:37:00.001-07:00

Did you ever for one minute ever think you would power your car on poop? Well bug poop that is microscopic bugs created in a lab in silicon valley have been found to secrete crude oil as a waste product. Ten years ago never thought he would be involved in genetic engineering. A former software executive now director of LS9 one of many new high tech businesses that have gone where no man has gone before. LS9 is in the business of putting OPEC out of work. How do they do I don't know and honestly I am a little surprised that they didn't start bigger I mean a microbe that poops oil is cool and all but production is going to be a little slow. Just think what a cow could produce! But I digress LS9 says that their microbes live off rotting wood and wheat grass and then poop out the oil, but they need another month before they will have enough to fill the tank of a Lexus. Again why a Lexus why not an American made gas guzzler put it to a real test ya know. They also claim that the crude is carbon neutral. But to me this really is no great surprise that we have been able to accomplish what nature has already done. For example when I was in grade school I was taught oil is produced by the decaying matter of dinosaurs or trees or dead fish. That material oozes down beneath the surface of the earth and collects in vast underground chambers waiting for mankind to pump it up or it bubbles to the crust creating tarns wear unsuspecting tourist fall in and get stuck and the process start over. But maybe crude oil is just poop. Maybe there is a natural bug that eats all the nasty bio degradable animals and then just poops it out.

According to this site oil was created by plankton on undisturbed sea beds. So is every inch of our sea beds being disturbed last I checked we don't normally drag the ocean floors and scrape up every thing that's there. So doesn't it stand to reason that there are oil producing plankton deep on the sea floors pooping out oil to their hearts content. Maybe I'm wrong but then again science was never my strong point just common sense.

A Ton Of Bricks:

2008-05-31T21:20:00.000-07:00

Have you ever felt like a ton of brick just fell from the sky at some random point in your journey in life and landed smack dab on top of your noggin? This weekend is the "final" garage sale for the Mrs' mom who is moving out of her house. We accomplished a feat that I think was near impossible. Take 35 years worth of accumulated hoch ( that's junk to you out side the family Smeag) and either sell it, trash it, give it away or store it. I am grateful to say that we successfully got mucho dinero' for the majority of it and several scrapes, bumps pulled muscles and raging headaches in the process. The accumulated hoch is now located in a concealed bunker in a top secret location that conveniently charges a nominal fee for access. If I told you were it was at I would have to kill you, I mean like go spider monkey on ya.

Oh now that the heat has been turned up in the dessert southwest we have butted about the idea of having our own garage sale to try and recompensed ourselves for travel time, labor and general self satisfaction of being able to stand in the garage and see the floor. Stay tuned I may be sending out a may-day for a gallon of Gatorade and a moist towelette.

Time To Shake Off The Natural Man:

2008-05-17T12:40:00.001-07:00

To start this funtastic story I have to give you a little back ground. It rained this week ,not much, just enough to put a slight dusting of snow on our beautiful Sky Island Mount Graham. By the way in case no on noticed it's May and we live in Arizona, snow is never included in that equation. So this week was our annual ward Father Son Camp Out which just happened to be at the top of that beautiful sky island, pause for dramatic gasp. You got it all week long that great creation rising from the desert floor was assaulted by wind and rain and snow. Let's just say Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday I kept glancing up at the summit thinking to my self "am I really going up there in this?" Friday morning came and the promised sunny weather did not arrive the top 3000 feet or so of the 10000 ft tall Leviathan could not be seen due to dense clouds. Might as well have been the Scottish Highland. UGH! again I think "Am I really gong up there in this?". However the day turned brighter and the hour long drive up the winding road was both refreshing and relaxing. I watched the outside temp gauge dropping as I climb though.

Arriving at "Treasure Cove" the 3rd one there I had my choice of spot which actually turned out to only be 4 or 5 since the road was a little washed out. Not to fear though I found one of the only level spots in there with a fire ring in front. Bammo Zamo my great instant pop up tent worked great (except it is now missing the rings for stakes, plastic does not do well in storage apparently). I set up camp and got to build a nice cozy fire while the ward fathers trickled in. There was a great big group bon fire, however it's just not camping if you don't have your own fire. Supper was cooked for us and we had delicious Indian Fry Bread with chili beans, lettuce, cheese, tomatoes and hot sauce. And for dessert Indian Fry Bread with butter and honey. MMMMMMMMMMMM delicious! Well as the sun dropped so did the temperature. By about 9:30 it was probably 40 degrees (To those in colder regions this is cold in AZ). Some of my fellow campers and I stayed up late talking and shared some hot coco that I whipped up (thankfully they had some at the gas station on the way). Bed time was an adventure, thanks to some great foresight on my part I brought 2 sleeping bags for moi' and a nice 3 inch air mattress. So it was time to snuggle down and stay warm off the ground ( no rocks or pine cones) and go to sleep. NOT! Some one forgot to turn off the lights,LOL there was a full moon last night and it was like some one had their flashlight pointed at my tent. Finally I drifted off to little camper land and woke up around to 35 degrees at 6 am. We had some more hot coco while breakfast was cooking and then chatted for a while. I left about 9:30 and took my time driving down stopping to pick some wild flowers and pine needles for Mrs. Smeag to scrapbook about and also found a little stream trickling down the hill with moss growing all over it. She loved the moss more than the flowers ( Note to self : Future mothers day gift).

So I am home now after shaking of the "natural man" smells that you get camping I can tell you that showers are so cool! What would we do with out them.

Here They Come To Save The Day:

2008-05-14T08:23:00.000-07:00

Due to recent natural disasters and man made catastrophes in South East Asia North Korea and Kim Jung Il have announced they are going to start patrolling the sky's on the look out for potential danger. The are looking for a few good little men. Here's the recruiting video.

They are expecting at least 3 good recruits and at least 300 grown American men who live with there mothers to tell their online girlfriend they are part of the new Top Gun program.

Cinco De Mayo- We Beat The French!

2008-05-05T22:40:00.000-07:00

Hola, well another Cinco De Mayo has past and gone and millions of college frat boys have used it as another excuse to get wasted, throw up, fall down and sleep in it (as my high school psychology teacher used to say). In order to add humor to an otherwise misunderstood imported holiday I would like to divulge the history of Cinco de Mayo to Y'All and also tell you why Seis De Mayo is even a better holiday.

Cinco de Mayo (Spanish for "5th of May") is a regional holiday in Mexico, primarily celebrated in the state of Puebla. It is not an obligatory federal holiday. The holiday commemorates an initial victory of Mexican forces led by General Ignacio Zaragoza Seguín over French forces in the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862 (per Wikipedia)

What most people misunderstands is that in Dec of 1861 French,English and Spanish forces invaded Mexico due to the fact the current Presidente' Benito Juárez had vowed to cancel all debts owed to European Countries. Yes the French were just collecting a BILL. unfortunately the French never known to be the best tacticians in the world led a up hill charge against a fortified position without any artillery support. The results were like a WalMart day after Thanksgiving sale. Quite tragic. However the English forces and the Spanish forces called it quits and went home. The french hung in there for a year and finally succeed in putting a puppet king on the throne of Mexico (Pause for laughter) Maximilian I, Emperor of Mexico (Emperador Maximiliano I de México) (July 6, 1832 – June 19, 1867).

Max had an ill fated reign he was born in Austria to royalty ( maybe) and then ,to have the past presidente' Benito Juarez not recognize his authoriti made life quite difficult for Max. While trying to escape a mob in June 1867 he was capture and then beheaded. (Ewww). Must really be depressing to have a past leader of a country go around telling everyone that your not really president and that the Supreme Court chose you for the Presidency and then to make bad fiscal choices.....oh wait were talking about Mexico here not Washington DC... I guess those borders are coming down sooner than we think. Sigh.... well at least we get to have fajitas and guacamole!

May The Force Be With You

2008-05-03T17:27:00.000-07:00

I saw these two videos on My Pet Jawa and had to share with the rest of you. The force has been working hard lately. LOL this is some fun stuff so enjoy.

R2D2 DVD Player/Robot

The Empire Stikes Barack

Carried Away

2008-04-23T18:26:00.000-07:00

So did you ever get the urge to go down to the hardware & party supply store and pick up a tank of helium and some balloons, set up your lawn chair tie the inflated balloons to the chair (taking all 7 Harry Potter books with you of course) and sail away on a light off shore breeze let's say oh... about 30 miles out to sea?

Well that's exactly what the Rev. Adelir Antonio de Carli ( a Roman Catholic Priest) decided to do to raise money . "The priest was trying to break a 19-hour record for the most hours flying with balloons to fund a spiritual rest stop for truckers in Paranagua, home to Brazil's largest grain port. Brazilian truckers often spend days waiting to unload in the port, especially during the busy soy export season now under way."(thanks msnbc)

Apparently the truckers have to spend several days in Paranagua during the harvest season. At the time of this blog we were unable to determine what exactly would be in the rest stop a Wendy's, a Burger King or a Blimpe. Personally I'm not a fan of Wendy's burgers so I'm all for the Blimpie.

The Reverend was planning on floating to a neighboring city of Dourdos 465 miles away however the wind blew him 30 miles out to sea in the opposite direction. The Revered was wearing protective gear and a parachute. He is a reported to be an experienced sky diver, however the balloons were all that was found when rescuers arrived. It is believed he is alive though and several candle light vigil's have taken place. The truckers in the mean time are hoping for a Burger King.

Mr.Clean Machine

2008-04-17T08:05:00.000-07:00

So yesterday I was domestic. I cleaned, I washed ,I dusted and Mrs Smeag said I sounded like a Mom when I got on Smeag Jr. about leaving dirty dishes in the sink. Honestly what woman hasn't gotten on the kids after cleaning up after them all day and the they come home and don't even have the courtesy to rise out the most delicious salsa that I slaved away at for at least 15mins of food chopping adventure. So Ladies here's my famous Salsa Recipe. Fix it for you man and they will start doing dishes and washing clothes. (not guaranteed in Alabama,Texas, or Detroit. Offer good while supply's last)

2 cans of hunts diced tomatoes (used the onion and green pepper seasoned ones)
1/4 cup to 1/2 cup of chopped cilantro ( use as much as you think you need)
1/2 a white onion
2 shallots
2-3 green onions sliced
1-2 jalepenos (to make it mild slice out the white veins this is where the spicy capsaicin is, this will also remove the seeds. )

I like to use a really sharp knife and cut it all up fine myself (but I'm old school at times). A good food chopper or blender works just as well. Although Cilantro is actually better if you use a pair of sharp scissors and cut it like making confetti. Try to make it the night before and or chill it for 3-4 hours.

For and extra treat get a package of white corn tortillas and cut them in to small triangles and fry them up in some Crisco Vegetable oil ( It won't harden you arteries, it's not lard) and you have home made chips and salsa. Make sure the oil is as hot as you can get it or the chips will be soggy.

Seven Things To Do With Your Tax Return

2008-04-15T11:25:00.001-07:00

I read a great article today from Forbes Magazine,by Scott Reeves on 7 things to do with your tax return. Although they don't actually give you 7 different things to do with your tax return I thought it might be fun to take it to the extreme. The average tax return this year is $2,371 So here's my list of 7 things to do with your tax return:

1. Buy 600 Happy Meals and give the toys to needy kids.

2. Play 4742 games of PAC MAN.

3. Bail out a random criminal.

4. Buy 1185 bags of Micro Popcorn and fill up a friends car.

5. If you were to weigh 150 lbs you could ship your self to Moscow,Russia only paying $300 more than your return.

6. Buy 2 sets of TaylorMade 2008 r7 CGB Max 3-PW Iron Set with Steel Shaft (one for the wife)

7. Book a 1 room Artisan Suite In Disney's Grand California Hotel & Spa with for 3 days of Disney fun and fantasy.

All this could be yours if you were to give the United States Government a 1 year interest free loan of $2,371. Just remember that Uncle Sam does have a convenient payment plan at your local employer for all your wasted tax dollars.

The Big Unit Is Back!

2008-04-14T08:06:00.000-07:00

Tonight Randy Johnson will be pitching against the San Francisco Giants. I can't wait! I am not a big sports fan but I have come to love baseball. It's like politics slow and never ending at times and then picks up speed like a E ride at Disneyland. Going to games is even more fun, especially in the BOB (now Chase field). Indoors in a air conditioned wonder, with pool. I've sat in just about every place there is to sit there from cheap sits to the outfield to the box seats. I haven't sat behind home plate yet so if any one is going and wants to take me along feel free to let me know, I do need at least 3 hrs notice though. Hey time to fire up the grill for some hot dogs and burgers this is going to be a great year!

Help! I've Fallen Into A Volcano And I Can't Get Up!

2008-04-13T07:09:00.000-07:00

BEFORE

Snowmobiler rescued after falling into crater of Mt. St. Helens

(thanks to kgw.com Northwest News Channel 8)

I found this Article on The Drudge Report this morning since the whole sleeping in idea was vetoed by my sinuses this morning (see Dust Is My Nemesis! ). I would have laughed out loud and rolled on the floor in glee when reading this story in any normal situation but it is Sunday I am feeling charitable. How sad that this guy fell into Mt Saint Helen and had to be rescued I mean that's almost as bad as falling down in the the shower and not being able to get dressed before the Fire Department gets there to scoop you up off the floor. What's this guy going to tell his wife "Hey sweety, love of my life, my sweet apple blossom, I know I told you I would only be a couple hours while me and the guys drove around the volcano,but something funny happened..." and so on. From now on he will always be know as "that guy who fell into the volcano". I do really feel bad for the guy I looked at the web site for the Mt Saint Helens gift shop and I could not find a T-shirt that said " I feel into Mt.Saint Helens and all I got was this lousy T-shirt". They don't even make them, let alone in my size (but let's not go down that road) becasue I would buy one in a heart beat. In short I just want you my friends and fellow Americans to realize that Friends Don't Let Friends Fall Into Volcano's.

AFTER

Dust Is My Nemesis!

2008-04-12T23:57:00.000-07:00

OK you may think a small thing like dust is not such a big thing, and you would be right it is a horrible micro particle able to crawl into every crevice of my sinus and wreck more havoc than a two year old with a PB&J on a white carpet. I won't go int o all the gross nasal details but suffice it to say my sinus are locked up tighter than Fort Knox. Your new best friend is a box of tissues because with all this stuffed upedness comes sudden unexpected floods of well... you know I said i would not go into detail and her I am. So to change this into politics (nice segway huh?)the EPA for years has blamed car emissions here in the Valley of the Sun for air born particulates that cause ground level ozone. Pause for scary Scooby Doo music. However any Idiot (I mean EPA Government Bureaucrat) only has to look out the window and see that we live in a DESERT and there is allot,sand,dust everywhere. I just cleaned out my Mother In Laws garage for to sell off all her worldly goods (much needed) and discovered piles of dust in the corners of her enclosed garage. This has been a two week project culminating in much groaning from assorted aches,pains and nasal congestion(here I go again) by myself, the Lovely and talented Mrs. Smeag for all our hard charitable work. I digress,Dust is every where and with the Valley being the retirement capital of the Southwest there are hundreds of thousands of Old men with brooms every where stirring up the DUST (Enter the Old Man from the Light House). The EPA need not look any farther than retirement communities,mobile home parks and assorted "second"homes across Arizona to find the cause of low level ozone. OLD MEN that's right old guys always have broom to chase away kids on skateboard, bike, roller blades, scooter and an occasional pair of cats that have found "True Love". Blame the Old Guys I say for now and then when I'm an old guy with a broom I say blame the nuclear jet powered hover bikes that (AHHHHCHOOO) stir up dust from the side of the road. Now I know how Superman feels.

DON'T PANIC

2008-04-09T22:50:00.000-07:00

I couldn't think of anything to blog about do I decide to brainwash you all and make you like one of my favorite movies I do not own and would make a wonderful fathers day , birthday, Christmas, Hanukkah ,Kwanzaa or just a surprise gift. Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy" If you have ever read the books you will find you self utter baffled at Douglas Adam's British wit and comic penmanship. Really what could be more funny than a robot that was programed with manic depressed order and a fleet of Volgons construction ships ready to blow up the earth to make way for a Intergalactic super highway. Which the plans have been on display for the last hundred years in the planning and zoning department. Enjoy some clips and wonder at that which we call British humor explaining the meaning of life 42.

Sheena the Warrior Hair Stylist

2008-04-07T14:17:00.000-07:00

I got my hair cut today. I know what you are going to say and that's "Hey what the big deal?". Well I guess when you only get a hair cut once a month it is a big deal. It's even a bigger deal when it's Sheena the Warrior Stylist cutting your hair. Did she look like the warrior princess? No, she didn't but her name was Sheena and she did give me a good hair cut. Which as some of you know isn't to hard to do. I go to the local Beauty School for my hair cuts. Why? Because it's cheap $6.00 for a buzz cut when any other stylist always charges me full price. Seriously how can you charge a guy with only half a head of hair (IF THAT!) a full price hair cut and still expect a tip. Well the beauty school girls do a great job and I get a new one every time I go. I don't know if they drop out or if they graduate but it's like the wheel of haristylist and today I got Sheena. This is not to make fun of her but she did a great job and got all the hairs off my head before my next appointment.

Rock Hard Poop

2008-04-03T19:44:00.000-07:00

Human fossilized feces has been discovered in a cave in Oregon recently that dates back to 14,000 years ago. Human DNA was extracted from the petrified poop which finally proves humans lived in Oregon earlier than has been recorded before. I want to state for the record it was NOT ME. I know that given my history that I may be the first accused of "dropping the kids off at the pool" and not picking them up but I promise it was in no way me that left DNA in that cave. Well not that cave, but that's because I have never lived in Oregon for more that a week. I admit that I was there for a week in 1990 but it was on Great Grandmother Smeag's couch. Which by the way smelled of ....well "old people" .

I don't all together know if the claims are true anyway. I mean how do we not know some pot head, tree hugging Birkenstock wearing Hippie probably wound up smoking some "natural herbage" and fell face down in the poo drooling excessively. DNA can end up in the weirdest places.

Not An April Fool's Joke

2008-04-01T09:24:00.000-07:00

Police in Waycross,GA questioned a class of 3rd graders about a plot to kill there Teacher. The Students were "rounded" up ( like they have fast get away cars) on Friday morning after a tip that the young female suspected mastermind behind the plot was suspected of having a weapon at school. Police found a broken steak knife, handcuffs, duct tape, electrical and transparent tape, ribbons and a crystal paper weight. Supposedly the students were going to use these items against their teacher. It's also rumoured they had a jar of A-1 steak sauce, and a Sponge Bob Square Pants t-Shirt they got at the dollar store. The plan was to give the teacher a bad hair do, and remove the hair from her upper lip with the duct tape before killing her(pulling it off slowly) .

Unfortunately the kids are too young to be prosecuted but are having to write 100 times each " I will not plan a murder kidnap plot during school hours". The mastermind behind the plot is also being sent to anger counseling during which she will have to watch 100 hrs of "Teletubbie" reruns. This should shut down all desire to do evil and save the world from global warming.

Rumor has it that the creators of South Park have already gotten the rights to the 3rd graders stories and will be airing an episode which recreates the plotting, but their will be a twist and Britney Spears will play the receptionist that saves the day.

Give It To 'Em In Black & White

2008-03-30T21:53:00.001-07:00

I was doing a search for Muppets on Youtube when I came across a video of Johnny Cash and Miss Piggy singing "Jackson" further search lead me to find Louis Armstrong and Johnny Cash singing the Blues. I love Louis and Johnny is not half bad either. Enjoy Louis & Johnny Yodeling.

They Fly They Fall

2008-03-26T21:29:00.000-07:00

I found this article about a Russian farmer that was suing the Russian Space agency, Roskosmos.
He claims that a large chunk of rocket fell on his farm almost hitting his "out door bathroom" (that's an out house for all you country folk) he claims the rocket part almost destroyed part of his property. He is asking for 1million roubles. That's about $42,000. He will buy some sheep and a life time supply of pine scented air fresheners for his "out door bathroom" ( like the little tree car kind) to make him feel one with nature. Boris Urmatov and his neighbors say that it is common for parts to fall from the sky after a launch. The Roskosmos agency says it tries to warn local of launches so they can stay in doors.
"Technologically speaking, these parts are supposed to fall off during a launch. They fly, they fall, they fly, they fall. It's how they work," said Roskosmos spokesman Alexander Vorobyov.
Last I checked though a rickety out house is no match to a rocket that weighs thousands of pounds. However Boris feels that he suffered stress and deserves recompense. I guess i would be stressed too if I lived in a falling rocket zone maybe the government should put a yellow caution sign next to his out house. You know the kind they have by the side of a cliff that says "FALLING ROCK".

Things That Make You GO DUH!

2008-03-24T21:30:00.000-07:00

Rush has a link to Dr Roy W. Spencer who has just released his book "Climate Confusion". I have only begun to break the through the layers of meteorological mumbo jumbo, but I get the feeling that the story line is something like the 7th Harry Potter Book. Lots of action, magic and love ( for Dr Spencer) after you read what he has to say. When it comes to weather I am not an expert but I've seen one on TV and I believe I stayed at a Holiday Inn Express at some point in my life. So I feel confident in saying that Dr Spencer has my vote for the next Nobel Peace Prize. If he can out to rest all the Algore wanabes out there then he deserves to win. I also have to give top marks to the Great Maja Rushy for providing this cannon fodder for our conversations with "Eco Maniacs" we encounter in day to day life. Use the force wisely my young padawans. Don't go over to the Global Warming Side.

On another fun note check out this article on a guy in Wichita Falls,TX that was pronounced brain dead after a 4 month comma he was released from the hospital and is now doing fine. He apparently heard the Doctor pronounce him dead and promptly woke up. I always like it when our fellow man can come back from the dead. For you Thriller fans check the side bar.

What Do I Look Like With Hair?

2008-03-20T15:13:00.001-07:00

I was asked today what I look like with hair. Most male heterosexual men will look on that question and either get offended or take the high road and joke and say "What do you mean I have no hair?" and every one laughs and the question is soon forgotten. Well not me! I neither take offense or make a joke. I give it to them straight. I used to look like Luke Skywalker (not after Mark Hamill's car accident but before), except I was twice the size and never could pull those Yoda carrying flips he was able to pull off in Return Of The Jedi. So since I have no imediate pictures of myself with hair I had to make do and pull one from the archives of me dressed like Huggy Bear for Halloween. I think I look better with no hair in both cases. More like Mr. Clean who hasn't gone to the gym in a few weeks.

A Tribute to Pauch

2008-03-15T20:41:00.001-07:00

When I first met the parents of then soon to be Mrs Smeag ( she didn't know it yet). I had dinner with the family. Isn't it strange that food is such a great way to break the ice. Maybe that's because whoever has food in their mouths does not have to divulge sensitive personal information. I had not learned this lesson yet so I did most of the "Answering" of the first time inquisition. The first question from her father was "So ,Dave can you sing, dance or play a musical instrument?" . I parried rather well I responded by saying " No sir I have no musical talent what so ever." I felt honest was the best policy because I knew if I had said yes then I would be performing before the night was over and I don't mean shadow puppets.His response back to me was shocking "Good, because neither do we and it's a prerequisit to joining the family."
Years later my friend and father to my wife got a email from a friend of some animated signing horses. He loved it for now he was able to at least conduct these magical singing beast to a symphony of harmonic beauty. Please email me if you want the link to it. Pauch this ones for you!

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(No Horses were injured, raced, or made into glue for the publishing of this Blog)

Time To Shine

2008-03-14T07:53:00.000-07:00

Senate Approves Federal Budget That Would End Bush Tax Cuts

AP&Fox News
WASHINGTON — The Senate rejected calls from both parties' presidential candidates to take an election-year break from pork-barrel spending as a Democratic-run Congress passed budget plans that would torpedo hundreds of billions of dollars in tax cuts won by President Bush.

OK Republicans its time to shine this is where we came in on this circus two years ago. Read the whole story at FOX NEWS. Republicans threw out incumbent senators and congress men two years ago because they let a similar pork spending plan go through and then tried to justify spending money like a lottery winner at Wal-Mart. The dollar is going in the dump, the housing market is crumbling, and the stock market is like a roller coaster (one where your guaranteed to barf after eating too many corn dogs). We need to write, email phone whatever we can the president to VETO this spending Bill and make Congress send one up that is Pork free with regressive tax additives. The Fact is that Bushes tax cuts from 2001 still have not taken corporate taxes back to the pre Clinton era that was a precursor to the Boom we saw in before 2000.

Now before you go all freaky on me and scream I need a tax cut before Big Oil or Wal-Mart think about this? You are already getting a tax rebate. Wouldn't a raise be better? Think about the Loan widget company in Backwater USA that wants to increase production but cannot because it can't afford to hire another 3 workers they need to accomplish production goals. If they were to get a tax cut they could hire Juan, Julio and Bob. They then could land the $$$Million dollar order give existing workers a raise and guarantee the three new employs at least a spot in the three legged race at the company picnic in July.

The fact is many Americans do not understand basic economic politics. They think the government is made of money since they make the money. Well you have to have capital to back up the money you are making and right now we are borrowing money (according to the Libs). If we are borrowing so much money, why are they spending it? That is like trying to live off credit cards. It's great for the first 6 interest free months but then WHAM, next thing you know your eating Raman from your food storage and looking for a 2nd job at the KWIKI MART. Time to be Americans everyone let write the White House today and let W know its Hammer Time.

Caught On Tape

2008-03-11T16:55:00.000-07:00

I was recently caught on tape in a small South American Village. The local villagers have just recently upgraded there entertainment systems to DVD and so have been throwing out their priceless VHS tapes. I love to collect Spanish versions of MASH and I Love Lucy. They also have killer tortillas so I like to sneak across the border an filch a couple for a nice cheesy quesadilla. I have to admit I had careful up till now, but I was not expecting to find several Youths gathered on a street corner in any remote South American Village. I think one of the kids likes to snow board since he is wearing a ski mask. Funny thing though it's summer down there now.

To The Matresses:

2008-03-06T08:56:00.000-08:00

This morning while scanning headlines I came across this one:

Man Dies When Wind Flips Mattress He Was Moving:
MOUNT JULIET, Tenn. — High winds are blamed for the death of a man who died when a mattress he was sitting on was blown off the back of a pickup truck.
Police said Doyle Smith, 42, a public works employee, was helping move the mattress Monday.
The wind flipped the mattress and Smith fell and hit his head on the road. He died at Maury Regional Hospital.
Mount Pleasant Police Chief Tom Wilson said the death would be classified as weather-related
courtesy Foxnews and Assoc Pres

Some times I have to wonder about the pres and their reporting. This story definitely lacks details. For instance was it a Queen , Full or twin mattress. Was it a spring,air or foam. If the Media is going to bring us these hard hitting article for public awareness we need more info. I for one always sit on a Full size mattress in the back of any pick up because I find it fits nicely between the wheel wells. Queens and Kings tend to angle up the side while you may think this provides a well placed cushion for leaning it definitely could catch the wind in a case like this making air time a guarantee. I guess the Associated Pres is kind of like a a Rap stars entourage. They have several hundred reporter's (not unlike rap lackeys) that are fresh out of college indoctrination and feel that they need to report on anything from cats up a tree to what Barrack Husein Obama had for breakfast. I have to say that the Founding Fathers really had Blogging and protesting in mind when they wrote the 1st amendment. Opinion should never be restricted, randoms acts of reporting on the other hand seem like mattress filling necessary but still just fluff.

Happy Leap Day

2008-02-29T07:41:00.000-08:00

Once every four years the shadow people come out. Yes you know who they are those spooky individuals that only have a"Birthday" once every four years. To identify one unknown to you to difficult because they only age every four years. So a 20 year old is only a 5 year old. Our intelligence sector has discovered a secret list of these "Leapsters" as they are known. Fortunately none of these "celebrities" have made any significant impact on society. Probably due to the fact they spent more time in the public school systems than the rest of us. ***Watch the 3rd Yahoo Video to the Right Hilarious!

(This message will self destruct if read by any non-humans, aliens, cyborgs, liberals or moderate republicans)

Lets Go Fly A Kite

2008-02-16T13:39:00.000-08:00

Theres nothing more that can bring me back to my childhood than to fly a kite. Today I took my daughter outside to fly kites. When I was a young skull full of mush my brother and I use to fly kites for hours having dog fights and doing tricks until they crashed into the ground with a resounding THUD. We used to have a Kite day at our Elementary School every year. For some reason we seemed to be guaranteed wind on that day. Hundreds of kite in the air is an amazing site to see. I promise you if you make sure you always have one on hand and fly it when it's windy out you will never regret that little bit of time away from everything else.

Should I Stay Or Should I Go Now?

2008-02-07T19:50:00.001-08:00

Every 4 years you always hear some Hollywood Liberal say that they will leave and move to Canada,France, Uganda or Antarctica if a republican gets elected. Well no such luck this year. In Fact I won't be surprised if we don't see Hollywood jump ship on a McCain/Clinton or Obama ticket. You won't see Ben Aflack (sic) headed to the Riviera or to Mexico to live out the next four years in socialist bliss. In fact you will probably see them as honored guest at the White House for whichever candidate wins. Hillary will be raising money for Bill's next legal defense fund, Obama will be planning how to save the whales and have perfect hair at the same time and for sure McCain will be looking for someone to play him in his up and coming movie "Lettuce all thank Me for Me". Maybe Christian Bale as a young McCain in the Hanoi Hilton and Jack Nicholson as McCain in his Senatorial/Presidential era. Either way we won't be too much surprised about the sudden development of sudden vomiting of Conservative every time we see the media fawning over McCain. Should I stay or should I go now? I think Guam is looking very nice right about now. Theres only one kind of snake there.

Out standing In His Field

2008-02-04T15:16:00.000-08:00

Today I am declareing my choice for the Next President of theUnited States of America...Mitt Romeny. He truly understands the hard choices that the Moderate and Liberal persons of this country have been unwilling to make since the Gipper left for his Ranch in California. Both the Bushes and even a Republican Congress FAILED to act Conservative. It took a National tragedy to get a decient tax cut. Lets face it the trickle down theory is a fact. Whenever coprorations get a large tax cut tax revenue goes up,wages go up because Coporations have m ore money to spend. They don't spend it on research and CEO's will get those multi million dollar bonuses regardless of a tax cut. Having more spending power at the individual level is the only way an economy is stimulated. Raising taxes only halts growth.

Just some basic economics for all you McCain Lovers and Huckabots out there. If i were to make $10 mill this year and taxes for individuals that make over $10 mil are rasied for next year. And I am project $20 or $30 Million the next year I probaly won't bother making it, and the reason is that at the $10mill mark I get to keep more of my money. And I won't have to work as hard.

Millionares don't worry about how much they make as how much they get to keep. Don't I know I probably did not explain this too well as I am going off High School level economics which most of you slept through. You may ask yourself too, if the good Colonel is going to take over the world what need do I have of a Presidente' well lets jsut say even Dr Evil had a #2.

New Year Reso...What

2008-01-14T06:10:00.000-08:00

After 35 years I still find it hard to make New Years Resolution. Maye the problem is that in my twisted irrational mind I think to myself well I can make resolutions the other 364 or 5 days a year and still fail to break them or even remember them the next day. The other day I was at a Clients house ( A rather financially successful Client) and he asked me what I would do If I had $10 million. Ten million!!!!!?? Usually us middle class folk stick to $1 million just so we don't get too deep into dream land and then get depressed by realizing you don't have it. However with my recent introduction to THE SECRET (thanks to Tangie and Stacey) I had to stop and think why not? There are certainly ways to become rich (legally) and I am an inelegant human free thinker why could I not have $10 mill in the bank. So here is My top ten things to do with $10 million. I'm tagging Tangie and Amy to start.

10. Pay My Bills... not the number 1 thing becauseI think it's a given.

9. Buy a smokin hot RV ... You know one with a pop out a gourmet kitchen/BBQ pit.

8. 2 cruises one to Alaska and one to the Bahamas... 2 places I haven't been

7. Smeagtopia... A little place I like to call home.

6. A rather over sized Hummer SUV... which I'll probably never take off road.

5. A Sherpa...I'll hire one just to say the word it's fun.

4. A full years worth clothing... so I won't have to do laundry.

3. Life time tickets to all the Disney Lands/World

2. Tempur-pedic's for the whole house...No more sleepless nights.

1. Give- My word for the year.

All I Want For Christmas

2007-12-24T17:46:00.000-08:00

My Top Ten List Of What I Want For Christmas

10. World Peace-Not highest on the list however fighting Jihadism take a while

9. A trip to Disneyland- Where else do you want to be for Christmas

8. Shoes that don't hurt my feet- Some times these boots weren't made for walking

7. A pilots license - To fly amongst the birds and float among hot air politicians

6. Laser eye surgery- I hate wearing glasses

5. A Republican in the White House- 2009

4. A Sleep Number Bed- "No more sleepless nights" that's what the commercial says

3. An IPod that is voice activated and I don't have to pay for down loads- hey a guy can dream!

2. A Six Pack instead of a hogs head- You don't get this six pack at the liquor store.

1. An official Red Ryder carbine action two-hundred shot range model air rifle with a compass in the stock and this thing that tells time- But you'll shoot your eye out kid!

Merry Christmas to all.

Eureka I Found It!

2007-12-16T19:51:00.000-08:00

I finally found a web site that can teach me how to smoke meat like a pro. Your probably thinking at this time of year how can you think of smoking a pork butt or a brisket. Well one of my most favorite odors in the world is burning wood. I'm not talking Fire Marshall Bill burning I'm talking about that wonderful feeling you get when driving down the road in the winter and you smell something and realize that you have the car's air switched over to outside air not stale recirculated and then it dawns on you what you are smelling and it's a fire. My thoughts go back to my Dad taking my brother and me on Father Son camp outs or The Pilgrim Plantation in Plymouth,MA. Where you turn back the years to learn how the founding fathers of our nation and thoughts and beliefs that started this country. I like to think about that harsh crossing and how those brave souls were caught in a early season winter storm (somewhat like we just had) and ended up hundreds of miles away from where they were headed Virginia. Only to land on the desolate shores of Cape Cod at Province Town with nothing in sight but sand dunes.A glimpse across the bay however shows you a more promising site. Plymouth Harbor is a deep peaceful bay with plenty of fresh water, fish, game and fertile soil. Next time you want to discover your heritage go camping with nothing but a sleeping bag, food, matches and a frying pan. Make up some Johnny Cakes and swig some spring water. It's the American way!

All By My Onsie

2007-12-02T19:20:00.001-08:00

Many of you are under the impression I am as fearless as Achilles and as strong as Hercules. Well I won't really try to deny those rumors but I have confession to make. Friday night while alone at home because the beloved Mrs. Smeag mad ea mad dash for Phoenix to see her Sis and the kids we had what you might call a rain shower. At 1am in the morning when your wide awake and can't sleep any better than a 12 yr old at summer camp. You call it "The Storm that Ate Thatcher". However luckily for me we had sweet repetitive Christmas music on the "Sounds of the Season" channel. After flipping that on I feel into a peaceful slumber. For those of you that read this and mock me well I can't stop you however I will tell you now one day you too will won't your blanky and teddy then you will curl up like a baby for that terrifying moment when you think all is lost and then realize it's just allot of wind.

Is It Really Winter?

2007-11-30T07:19:00.001-08:00

I don't have my camera to show you but we are having what can only be described as a dreary day. I can't even see our beautiful Mt Graham it's totally covered in clouds.I am hoping that when it clears we will have a winter wonder land hovering over us for the next 4-5 months. I just can't believe we actually get to have "seasons" here. It definitely makes me want to curl up by the Non working Fireplace with a good book and a cup of hot chocolate. I know we don't have snow on the ground here and that's OK but at least I can see it.

35,000 Eco Warriors And Ozone Don't Mix

2007-11-28T07:36:00.000-08:00

I recently read up on the sinking of a cruise liner in the Antartic. At first I gave no thought to this tragic event thinking ships probaly go down all over the world evey day especially when they orginate from 3rd world countries such as this one did. I did however learn that this was no ordinary ship. It is owned by Bruce Poon Tip a well know Eco Warrior and ALgore supporter. My observation is a littel more different than the normal take as you know. I always look to the extreme view of politics and what is really going on. In the article i read it was quoted as saying that tourism in the Antartic region has increased from 6,750 in 1992-93 to 2007 numbers of 35,000. WOW! Talk about a carbon foot print. If you have ever worked around indiviuals that drink coffee you will know that being regualar is not an issue with them. Imagine all those Starbuck lounging Eco Geeks guzziling down gallons of organic coffee in the Antartic to stay warm. My gosh no wonder the ozne layer down there got a hole in it.

On a foot note in our bid to take over the world we can have now annexed Flordia. We have a total of 6 different readers from there. On going deprograming will contiue untill we have all 50 states and at least Puerto Rico.

Let It Snow!

2007-11-22T11:01:00.000-08:00

We've had snow on Mt Graham here in Thatcher. That may not be much for some areas of the country but it just seemed like it made Thanksgiving! There's nothing like football and snow. Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Go DEVILS!