Oldest Living Creature Murdered or Baked  

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

It was announced today that British Marine Biologist Discovered the worlds oldest living creature. A 405 yr old ocean quahog was dredged up from the depths of the Artic Ocean north of Iceland. If he was my pet quahog I would have named him Bob so henceforth we will call him Bob. Bob lived out his frigged 405 yr existence 250 feet down and probably never new a warm day in his life when he was suddenly dragged from his home to be sliced open to have his life rings counted (sounds like a Sonic HedgeHog game). The Brit scientist claimed it was in the name of science. I say they are lying and I think it was for a mid afternoon snack. Bob was probably stewed with some potatoes and corn maybe a little Cod for a nice warm chowder or swallowed live to be slowly digested for what may seem like 1000 yrs. The question what could we have learned from Bob if we had kept him alive could we have learned that spending valuable tax payer money on clam counting and maybe on fixing it so they British Health care system would not keep people waiting to get care. Mayor Rudolph W. Giuliani on his new radio add quoted that cancer survival rates in Britain are only 44% in the USA in the 80% range. I hope Bob knows wherever he is that murdered Quahogs go that his dieing was in vain.
Rare Footage of the Artic Quahog Hunt

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Your Burning Me Up  

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Please take me seriously when I say I am not making light of the fires in California.

This morning on Fox News I was watching the update in the California fires when the Lieutenant Governor of California John Garamendi was interviewed on the phone. To quote Lt. Govenator "Climate Change is responsible for the fires" he went on to proclaim (which was glossed over) that they had no winter wet season this year and it was too dry because of climate change. Is this really climate change or is it normal. Granted rainfall is down however my understanding (and I'm not a scientist) is that Global Warming would actually cause more rain due to evaporation of oceanic waters. Since California does have one of largest coastlines of any of the 50 states it does seem that that if water was evaporating more quickly due to sustained increased temperatures that some one in California would notice. This USA Today article describes how in April of 2006 Northern California received record rainfall 25 days of straight rainfall breaking a 1904 record.

The actual culprit of the current fires is a condition know as Santa Ana Winds "...Santa Ana's are a type of föhn wind, the result of air pressure buildup in the high-altitude Great Basin between the Sierra Nevada and the Rocky Mountains. This high energy wind spills out of the Great Basin and is pulled by gravity into the surrounding lowlands...". Believe it or not this is a annual meteorological event. Hot dry winds blown from the east to the west bringing hot dry winds from the desert regions of the country.

Growing up in San Diego County like I did we experienced this condition every year. Granted never has there been this many wild fires at one time. Was California caught off guard. I don't know I do know that Lt Govenator Garamendi was definitely making a political stab this morning on FOXNEWS and personally he wasted his chance to shine. For some one to stand in the shadow of Arnold is to not be noticed. Here he has his big time break for an interview and instead of taking a bit of the blame for California Wild Fire Fighters being short staffed at this time he had to blame it on Climate Change. Lt Govenator Garamendi stand up and be a man. During the 2002 Rode-Chediski fore in Arizona ( 467,066 acres burned) the truth came out that lack of cutting in the forest and several wet rainy seasons that produce an abundant amount of underbrush was the leading cause for the rapid growth of the fire. Once the fire reach the 300,000 acre mark it was creating it's own weather system and winds (hot dry winds like Santa Ana winds). Funny thing Nature it happens whether a Democrat is in office or not.

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The Sky Is Falling  

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Who would have thought that a guy who wrote a book about the environment and how we need to go back to using the horse and buggy could ever win the Nobel Peace Prize. Folks I give you Albert Gore Jr. Should I suddenly be swept away by a heat wave while bloggin you'll have to forgive me Algore seems to embrace lovingly global warming sometime more than he embraces Tipper. (Pause to Gag). The real question here is if Algore really created peace by making his movie a "Inconvenient Truth" or writing his book "HI I'm Algore and I am not a scientist"(book name unknown nor do I care). I really don't see anyone getting along anymore than we used to I think we tend to want to avoid "treehuggers" even more today than we did back in the '70's when Newsweek ran their article about Global Cooling. The truth be told Global Warming is good for us. Look what it did to get rid of the Ice Age. After a asteroid strike or a nuclear war we end up with freezing temperature and the next thing you know we have glaciers instead of high rise buildings in New York. The Ice Age happened ( and this is a fact) before there were any cars. Mankind has only been keeping track of daily average temperatures for the last 40 years or so not since he was painting pictures on cave walls and running from a T-rex all you can eat buffet. Let's go back to Al not being a scientist and his education. Al studied English as a major at Harvard and scored in the lower 5th of the class(toward the bottom) after serving time in Vietnam as a reporter Al went Vanderbilt University and studied law. No where in Wikipedia article that I read did I see Climatologist as a major or even that he had a chemistry set when he was a kid. Where Al gets his information from I can't say and I really don't think he does either. Is the world better off and now at peace because Algore woke up yesterday? No we still have terrorist trying to sneak into the country , drugs being smuggled across our borders and Britney Spears can't show up to a custody hearing on time. I think Al had better get to work.

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Take Me To Your Leader  

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

When, not if , we are invaded by aliens life forms and they tell you to "Take me to your leader." Whom will you be taking them to? I have a dilemma because as you all know I will be taking over the world soon so who do I vote for in the upcoming presidential election. Last night after viewing secret confidential video on MSNBC I came to the conclusion that Fred Dalton Thompson holds my vote at this time. Not only is he famousfor his role in Iron Eagle III but is a two term Senator for the state of Tennessee. Fred was also on the Water gate committee and was also was a contender to be George Bush's running mate in 2000.

Just imagine when little green men say "take me to your leader" wouldn't it be great to say "Who? Fred?" it would confuse them since the liberal media keeps acting like Hilary Clinton is the supreme galactic commander(Which we all know is really Col.Smeag). Who do they think their fooling since Bill was in office the liberal media literally drooled on themselves any time they had a chance to talk to the queen of victims herself. From the vast right wing conspiracy to stolen FBI files in her bedroom closet (probably where Bill slept most of the time) to travel gate all the media has tauted Hillary as the smartest woman in the world. Let's not forget her infamous book "It takes a village" an intricate tale of how you as a parent really don't know whats best for your child and in fact if there were no men involved she would probably like it even better. What I'm getting at is that people like me and Fred who dare dream for true leadership not dictatorship want whats really best for everyone. Free trade, Free from taxes and free passes to Disneyland with a back lot tour from Roy Disney with my own pony. A Shetland pony will do.

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Just A Little Problem  

Saturday, October 6, 2007

Apparently the guys down in acquisitions got the order code wrong for the chickens. We ended up with 400 ostriches. I admit an ostrich is a formidable foe however they don't fly.That was a minor detail however , the major issue was trying to get the chicken uniforms on the ostriches. It was like a leather pant convention. We tried to send them out in street clothes however we had a couple cross dressers and well needless to say their cover was blown. We had to have a intervention meeting with Harvey in acquisitions. He was demoted he is now in the transportation, his excuse was that he is cross eyed. Yea right. We did get some surveillance photos back on some key political fugitives. The ostriches have trouble using two wings to hold the camera still.

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World Domination Update  

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Here's the update on the take over of the Known Universe. The chickens have arrived we figure we can put them into action soon. They will be our forward observation unit. We have chartered a cargo plane that flies at high altitude and we will be dropping the "Chicken Commandos" out a undisclosed locations to report back. The CC's will be flying down and concealing them selves in secret bunkers. We expect these secret bunkers to be at least 4-5 ft under ground. We will have surveillance photos soon.

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Mrs Smeag Super Star  

My beautiful wife has her online store open finally for digital scrapbooking. I am only chargeing her a small fee for advertising. Check it out!

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I've Got A Plan!  

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

After a day like today I have decided to take over the world. Why? I don't know it's like pulling a loose string on a sweater, it's there. Anyway I'll need some help. Here's a list of what I need to become the "Supreme Galactic Commander" (OK so I set the bar high sue me).
1: 3 Advil- I am for sure going to get a headache
2: 400 chickens
3: 6 rubber bands
4: 9 avocados- I'll get hungry
5: 14 ski masks -You know the ones with Snoopy on them
6: 6 rolls of quarters
7: 25 illegal immigrants- They'll be legal after I'm done so their not really illegal
8: 10 pairs of clown shoes
9: Leonard Nemoy ( I need a spokes person William Shatner is working for priceline.com)
10: A LASER Beam

I should be able to open Smeagtopia by the year 2038 if I can get all this together. Our national theme will be "If you don't here voices you don't belong" Let me know what you can do to help.

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