Top Ten Perks of Living in Safford  

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Mrs Smeag gave me this idea on her Blog of course everyone should always check out her Blog.

10. Driving 15 mph behind a tractor
9. Farmers Tans
8. 2 windows at the Dairy Queen
7. You can replace your pet scorpion any time you want
6. Manure on demand
5. Staying up till 9 o'clock
4 Swimming against the flow of water in the irrigation ditches
3. Rush Hour lasts 15 minutes
2. News paper that is guaranteed at least twice a week
1. No Polyester farms here.

This is what happens when I stay up past 9 o'clock to blog.

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Napoleon Dynamite - Film school movie  

This is wher is all started. A couple friend and a wig.

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Simpsons Shop (IKEA)  

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

See What I mean about IKEA

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For All you Ikea Shoppers you will be amazed at what you can really find there! Once I got lost in the Floopinhagindas section and had to use a Findernumans to get back to the portasminger.

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What Made Them Do it  

Monday, August 27, 2007

Star in Your Own JibJab! It's Free!I had to hold back the tears of joy this is so fun!!!

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Stop the Presses  

Sunday, August 26, 2007

I often times scroll through web pages you may refer to as "News" . Lately I have noticed I get more real news from other Blogs than the actual News companies. Check out Fox News web site we find out Owen Wilson was taken drugs an tried to kill himself (he's OK) I've seen the article for Miss Teen USA for the Last 3 days , Greece is on FIRE. Prince Charles 2nd not so royal wife is not going to another memorial for Princes Diana ( yes another one) Brittney Spears needs love... again. Finally the Treasury Dept apprehended a man passing fake $100 to strippers for tips ( maybe that's all they deserved) but I digress. How on earth can these people the News Media call themselves reporters when all they "report'" are things we already know. Don't get me wrong I like Fox News over everyone else however all I want to know is where is the news. Where are the stories that matter. Like this story about a whale that met its end on a Japanese whaling boat they pulled Willy in and carved him up right in front a boat full of whale watching tourist. I didn't know Oprah was doing a show from sea. Ugh I know I am ranting but I tell you these thoughts of mine so that you may learn wisdom. Don't for one second believe what you see in the mass media is crucial to your daily life. The only real news that does us any good would be about maybe a bank robber on the loose and we should stay in our bunkers and fill up more sand bags. I guess I have a hard time when the news is mainly about people who spend 50% of there lives pretending to be other people. I like Owen Wilson I hope he gets the help he needs but is it BREAKING NEWS, I don't think so it's a page 6 below the fold story. Let's start our own news service right here. comment with a link to your most favorite news story of the day and lets see if we can have a much brighter view on the news.

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Even Precious Knew That  

Thursday, August 23, 2007

If anyone ever has doubts about evolution they can do research in three different places. Any local Shopping Mall, Right here at (if an ugly little hobbit can make it this long why can't I right?) or check out the fun and lovable Darwin Awards. A site dedicated to the documentation of evolution. My theory is that God put evolution in place as a sort of screening process for the world. Some individuals bear to be immortalized forever. The following example is one of Arizona's own beloved winners in the race to experience evolution.

The Arizona Highway Patrol were mystified when they came upon a pile of smoldering wreckage embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The metal debris resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it turned out to be the vaporized remains of an automobile. The make of the vehicle was unidentifiable at the scene.
The folks in the lab finally figured out what it was, and pieced together the events that led up to its demise.
It seems that a former Air Force sergeant had somehow got hold of a JATO (Jet Assisted Take-Off) unit. JATO units are solid fuel rockets used to give heavy military transport airplanes an extra push for take-off from short airfields.
Dried desert lakebeds are the location of choice for breaking the world ground vehicle speed record. The sergeant took the JATO unit into the Arizona desert and found a long, straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to his car, jumped in, accelerated to a high speed, and fired off the rocket.
The facts, as best as could be determined, are as follows:
The operator was driving a 1967 Chevy Impala. He ignited the JATO unit approximately 3.9 miles from the crash site. This was established by the location of a prominently scorched and melted strip of asphalt. The vehicle quickly reached a speed of between 250 and 300 mph and continued at that speed, under full power, for an additional 20-25 seconds. The soon-to-be pilot experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog-fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners.
The Chevy remained on the straight highway for approximately 2.6 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied the brakes, completely melting them, blowing the tires, and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface. The vehicle then became airborne for an additional 1.3 miles, impacted the cliff face at a height of 125 feet, and left a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock.
Most of the driver's remains were not recovered; however, small fragments of bone, teeth, and hair were extracted from the crater, and fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.
Ironically a still-legible bumper sticker was found, reading "How do you like my driving? Dial 1-800-EAT-S***." (PG Editing.)

Comment with your favorite Darwin Award wiener. I will have a poll for the top three I get comments on. The race is on.

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I know it's here some where!  

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Today unfortunately I saw the current leader of the "free"mother Russia with out a shirt on(pause for gag reflex). This lead me to think hmm what on earth is this former Communist/Head of the KGB leader thinking. By all means any red blooded American Man loves to walk around in nothing but his shorts a maybe a pair of flip flops. But to be frank our leaders have better sense, even Billy Bob Clinton ( aka swinger blade) had a tank top on when dancing with Hilary(aka Shera). Hairy back or not at least you only lost lunch instead of your breakfast too. Being locked in an Artic freezer like Moscow certainly must prevent one from joining a tanning salon or maybe getting a rub down by Olga with a tanning agent. Don't let this man fool you he wants the Iron Curtain back, and maybe we should let him if it's going to prevent photos like this from getting out. This is just another good reason for Capitalism, without out it we would not have Photo Shop. Maybe he's just raising money for Russian Fashion designers, maybe this is a Russian runway fashion show. Maybe I should think about ditching the loin cloth and go with the topless camo look.

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Wednesday, August 15, 2007

My best friend died Monday. He was also my Father in Law. He was the best ASU Fan around he never left a game until it was over, he always called for a safety. He was our Cheerleader for everything we did, maybe that's because he was one himself . He always had time for precious because we were precious to him.

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Tagged but not Bagged  

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Jobs I've had:
1. The Fry guy for a 50's style dinner ( No glory and riches though)
2. Mobile home repair guy/ Roofer 2 summers (Great tan no riches)
3. Painter in a Paint Booth (if you call rainbow boogies glory then check it off the list)
4. Screen printer ( I still have nightmares about stockings)
5.Wood shop production assistant ( I was the only one to speak English)
6. Bill Collector ( enough said)
7. A RE/MAX Realtor (glory and riches within reach)

1. San Diego- The list just keeps going of things to do
2. Disneyland- I like California Adventure less crowded
3. Multnomah Falls- The whole Columbia river gorge is amazing
4 Boston

Movies I put on repeat:
1. Knights Tale

2. Michael
3. All the Oceans movies
4. 5th Element- Big badaboom

Guilty pleasures:
1. Cookies and milk
2. Haircuts that last longer than 5 minutes ( oh those were the days)

Places I've lived:(in order)
1. Lots of places in Orange County including Anaheim 1 block from Disneyland
2. San Diego
3. Camp Pendelton,CA
4. Memphis,TN
5. Camp Pendelton , CA again
7. Otis Air force base - Cape Cod, MA
8. Fallbrook, CA.
9. My Grandmothers single wide in Los Angeles
10. Corona,CA
11. Mississippi, Louisiana, Arkansas -Mission
12. Phoenix,Mesa, AZ
13. Thatcher,Az ( There's more than 13 because of the Orange County years)

Places I've been on holiday:
1. Disney World
2 Disneyland
3 San Antonio
4 Every state park and land mark between the east and west coast we could hit growing up.

Favorite foods:
1. BBQ- pork ribs, pork , brisket
2 Mexican Food
3 Steak

First kiss locations:
1. Some where in eight grade.
2 Trying to put up a Christmas tree.

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Stop The Music  

It's Sunday of course and Sunday's are a good day for naps. Let's face it we all need naps some us do it while watching reruns of the Master's from 1972 or bowling. However naps have a few rules to them which are not written (until now). First naps should be taken on the couch, a nap in a bed is not the same, you just can never seem to get the correct kink in your neck on a bed that you get on the couch. Second a good nap needs to be done while you do something else such as watching sports, in my case reading. I admit it I like to read but on Sunday afternoons I only get through one or two pages before I'm curled in a fetal position drooling. During today's nap I had a dream (no group hug involved, sorry) in my dream I was going on a trip, I had to be at the spaceport at 3am in the morning and the car was acting up, the stereo was out and I had a little CD player in the front seat riding shotgun. I got to the space port and parked my car. The hood of the car popped up so I shut off the CD player and went to see what the problem with the car was. As I was hopelessly starring at the engine trying to deduce the problem I heard the same music playing that was in the car but I new that I had shut off the player. I looked around trying to figure out where It was coming from but I woke up. So now I am scared the CD player is going to go out in my car. Wouldn't that just end it all.

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Who's There  

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Nobody is to be trusted, I know that sounds schizophrenic but I mean it in a good way. For example if you are the head fry guy at a any popular fast food restaurant such as one that rhymes with MCFronalds you have undoubtedly chosen a career path for yourself that will one day lead to glory and riches, however only you can accomplish your job at the time you are scheduled to do that job. In other word don't trust the guy who is assigned to clean the gum of the undersides of the tables and wash down the drive way to make frys for you or do a better job. In this blessed land of the free and home of the braves do as Smokie the Bear says"Only you can prevent forest fires."(unless there caused by nature such as lighting) then you can only prevent yourself from burning to a crisp by running as fast as you can. Back to my point though, glory and riches do not come by "waiting for Sir Hector to shite himself to death" to quote a notable actor. It takes action I say again Do not trust anyone. Well that's what the voices keep telling me, you know the one that sounds like the guy from.... umm never mind.

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Diving Blindly for Fishes  

Thursday, August 9, 2007

In an effort to stay consistent I have made a pledge to myself to post every day " weather permitting". I decided to look over Ben's own blogs and discovered this "Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing". Benjamin Franklin To tell the truth I have thought of writing before ,however no story noteworthy enough has come to my mind. thirty four years of writers block really does something to a guy. It's not like they make some sort of soothing minty medicine that can unstop a clogged brain. I'm only now learning how to use spell check, my last job only required me to use consonants it was like texting to morons for 5 yrs . They always thought NO was an abbreviation for something greater. So now that I seem to have more time on my hands I can write the greatest paperback ever, but I still am lost for a story. The last week has certainly been a interesting week in the world from bridge collapses to miners being trapped, in retrospect looking back I certainly hope I never have an experience like they will to write about.

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Crawling From The Cave  

OK so unlike the rest of the world I don't already have a Blog. As I am now transplanted into South East Arizona and have nothing else to do other than become a notable land baron I've decide to share my thoughts with the world at large. Mainly I have my wife to blame for this. She is my blogging Queen. Some who read this will know who I am , you other unknowns in the Bloggosphere will have to just be patient. I'm sure this sudden urge to divulge the workings of my mind will pass or at least make sense to a professional psychotherapist at some point but I hope that what I share will relieve you of any wanted stress or boredom with daily life after all if we can't laugh at life now and then we all end in a padded room with our arms firmly secured to our spine and recited verses from " I Feel Pretty"... I heard a quote from Ben Franklin today and realized that he was the original Blogger aka 'Mrs. Silence Dogood' . I'm sure Ben would be proud of all us free thinkers.

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